For You
by MarsBar656
Summary: REWRITTEN - NEW TITLE *PREVIOUSLY BROKEN BIRD* After Tony is attacked in the middle of the night in a parking lot, Ziva is called to the hospital to talk with him. While the team tries to figure out who attacked Tony and why, Tony and Ziva's relationship grows stronger as they bond over shared experiences. Somewhat set around early season 8. WARNING: Mentions of RAPE
1. Chapter 1

**As promised, rewritten and improved, plus a new chapter!**

 ** _One_**

Ziva rolled over in bed and grabbed her cell phone off the nightstand. She flipped it open without looking at the caller ID. "What?" She asked sharply.

"Ziva, I need you down at George Washington Hospital ER." Gibbs said.

Ziva sat up. "Why? What happened?" She asked, slightly panicked.

"Something happened to Tony. I'm not exactly sure what." Gibbs told her.

"Is he okay?" She asked, already thinking the worst.

"He won't tell me anything and he won't let anyone near him." Gibbs said.

Ziva sat for a moment. She's never known Tony not to talk. "Give me ten minutes." She told Gibbs before pressing the end call button.

She threw the blanket off of her body and grabbed her car keys. If Tony was hurt she sure as hell wasn't going to take the extra time to change from her sweatpants and tank top into a business suit or something. She fumbled with her keys for a moment before she locked her apartment door and headed outside to her car.

XXXXX

Ziva walked through the sliding doors of the Emergency Room seven minutes later and spotted Gibbs sitting in a chair in the corner.

He stood up as she walked toward him.

"What happened?" Ziva asked.

"Two uniformed cops found him in a parking lot, naked, bleeding, and beat up." Gibbs told her.

Ziva's breath caught in her throat. "Why do you need me here?" She asked. Not that she didn't want to be there, but still.

"Because he won't talk to me. He won't even let me in the room. I'm hoping he'll talk to you." Gibbs said.

"Why would he talk to me?" Ziva asked.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow in that 'you know what I'm talking about' way, and Ziva nodded.

"I will try."

Gibbs nodded. "That's all I'm asking." He told her. He led Ziva down a hallway by the nursing station. "Room one-fourteen, two doors down on the right." He said.

Ziva nodded silently and walked down the hall to Tony's room.

She knocked on the closed door quietly.

"Go away Gibbs." Tony said, his voice hoarse.

"It's me." Ziva said gently. "Can I come in?"

"I guess." Tony replied quietly.

Ziva turned the doorknob and walked into the small sterile room. Keeping her facial expression neutral as she looked Tony over, it pained her to see that the right side of Tony's face was almost black with bruises and his eye was close to swollen shut.

He looked up at her, and a look that resembled something between fear… and shame crossed his face before he looked away quickly.

"How are you feeling?" Ziva asked as she sat down in the chair beside his bed.

"Fine." He said quietly.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Ziva asked.

"Is that the only reason you're here? To take my statement?" Tony asked angrily.

Ziva shook her head, resting a hand on his leg. He flinched at the contact and she pulled her hand away quickly. "Of course that is not the only reason I am here. But it is still important Tony."

He shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Tell me what happened, and then I will decide for myself whether or not I believe it, okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "I think I can do that." He says.

Ziva smiled softly, even though he was looking away from her. "Okay." She said as she sat back in the chair. "Whenever you're ready."

Tony nodded. "I don't know where to start." He said.

"The beginning is normally a good place."

"Right, the beginning… Uhm, I was at a bar, dancing, having a good time on my night off, and this girl started dancing with me, so I was like 'yeah, okay, this is cool,' and apparently she had a boyfriend… he didn't like that I was dancing with his girl. He got physical and we took it outside." He said as he reached for the glass of water on the table in front of him.

He winced when he stretched, and Ziva handed him the cup.

"Thanks." He said softly. He wouldn't look her in the eye, he couldn't.

"Is that all that happened?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head no. "The other guy was a big talker, but he couldn't fight to save his life. I got a good swing in an he went down, and he ran off with his girl, and I figured since I'd already been kicked out of the bar I might as well just go home. I didn't have anything to drink, I just wanted to dance, so I was headed to my car when they grabbed me from behind." He said, taking another sip of his water.

"How many of them were there?" Ziva asked.

"Two."

"Men?"

Tony nodded.

"What happened after they grabbed you?" She asked.

"They dragged me behind the dumpster behind the bar, one of them pinned me down and the other kicked the crap out of me. I couldn't figure out how to fight them off. I tried twisting and throwing them off of me, but it didn't work. I just… I couldn't get them off." He said quietly.

Ziva nodded. "Tony, when the police found you, you had no clothes on." I say.

"It doesn't matter." He said.

"It matters to me Tony." Ziva told him.

He looked up at her with tears in his eyes and told her exactly what she didn't want him to say.

"They raped me."

Ziva sat quietly for a moment, trying to think about what she should say to him.

Tony looked away. "I told you you wouldn't believe me."

"I believe you Tony." She told him firmly.

He looked back up at her. "You do?"

Ziva leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she looked into Tony's eyes. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Because I'm a guy." He said simply.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ziva asked.

"You know, guys are supposed to be tough. We're supposed to be able to take care of ourselves." He said.

"It is hard to take care of yourself when you have been grabbed from behind Tony." Ziva told him.

"I'm a federal agent! I shouldn't have let them get behind me in the first place." Tony said.

"How were you supposed to know they were even there? Do you have eyes in the back of your head now?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head. "I shouldn't have let it happen." He said as tears ran down his cheeks.

"You did not _let_ it happen Tony." Ziva told him as she gently wiped the tears off his face.

Tony looked up at her. "I guess you have to tell Gibbs don't you?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

"What's he gonna think of me? He'll never let me out in the field again." Tony said.

"Why do you think that?" Ziva asked.

"Because I couldn't fight them off!" He yelled.

Ziva flinched at the sudden loudness of his voice and he calmed down.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice, it's not your fault." He said.

"Can I say something now?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded.

"I'm in the field." She said.

"What's your point?" Tony asked.

"The logic you are going by is that because you were _overpowered_ by two people, and something terrible happened to you, you will not be allowed in the field anymore, right?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Then I shouldn't be allowed in the field either, correct?" She asked.

Tony looked puzzled. "Why wouldn't you be allowed in the field?"

"Because of Somalia, and Saleem." Ziva told him, trying her best to make him understand what happened in Somalia without having to say it out loud.

"You mean he…? He trailed off.

Ziva nodded. "I was there for three months Tony, surely you did not think I was tied to a chair and left aloe the entire time?" She said.

"You never told me." Tony said.

"I never told anyone."

Tony reached out to hold Ziva's hand. "You could have told me Ziva." He said softly.

Ziva smiled softly. "I know I could have. I was dealing with it on my own, that was how I was taught."

He nodded. "You know it doesn't change anything right?"

"I do." Ziva told him. "So why is it any different if it is you?"

"You didn't tell anybody. Gibbs doesn't know." Tony said.

"Gibbs knows everything Tony." Ziva said.

Tony smiled. "That is true, isn't it?"

"It took a while for me to believe it, but the man is gifted." Ziva said with a small laugh.

"What's McGee going to think of me? All this time I've been making fun of him for being small, and weak, and now I'm the small, weak one." Tony stated.

"He loves you Tony. You're like his brother, he will not think any differently of you."

Tony nodded silently.

"Can you tell me what they looked like?" Ziva asked.

"They were white, both about six feet, one had brown hair, and the other, the one that held me down was blond, with blue eyes, and he had a birthmark on his neck and the right side of his jaw." He said.

"Did they use a condom?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head no. "I don't think so."

Ziva nodded. "Okay Tony. I'm gonna go tell Gibbs so McGee can put out an APB." She said as she stood up and started to head for the door.

"You're gonna come back right?" Tony asked.

Ziva turned back to face him. He looked terrified that she would leave and not come back. "Of course I will." She said.

"I don't want to see Gibbs right now. I can't." He said.

Ziva nodded. "Alright." She said softly. "I will be right back." She said before pulling the door open.

She walked back down the hall to the emergency waiting room and Gibbs walked back over to her.

"He must've said something for you to be in there that long." Gibbs said.

Ziva nodded. "He was attacked from behind by two men. They dragged him behind a dumpster and while one of them held him down, they raped him Gibbs." She said with a sigh.

Gibbs just nodded. "Description?"

"Both were about six feet, one had brown hair, the other was blond, blue eyes, with a large birthmark on his neck and the right side of his jaw." Ziva old him.

"I'll call McGee." Gibbs said as he began to walk toward Tony's room.

Ziva ran after him and stopped him about five feet from the door. "Don't go in there right now Gibbs."

"Why?" Gibbs asked.

Ziva bit her lip. "He does not want to see you right now." She said.

A look of hurt crossed his face. "Why not?" He asked.

"He is scared of what you will think of him." Ziva told him.

"I don't think any less of him." Gibbs said quietly.

"I know that, but for some reason he does not. He is… vulnerable right now… I think he just needs time." Ziva said.

Gibbs nodded. "Alright. I'll go back to the office, have they done evidence collection?" He asked.

"I am not sure. I will check, and have it sent over to Abby as soon as it is finished." Ziva said.

"Take care of him, Ziva." Gibs said.

"I will." She declared.

Gibbs nodded, and Ziva stood, watching him walk of the building toward the parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Two**_

Ziva walked back into Tony's room and sat down on the chair.

"What did he say?" Tony asked.

"He wants to see you, and he wants you to know that he does not think any less of you." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

"Can I ask you a question?" Ziva asked.

"You just did." Tony said with a small smile.

"That is not what I meant, and you know it."

Tony laughed lightly. "Ask away."

"Have they done a rape kit?" Ziva asked slowly.

Tony shook his head. "I haven't even been here long enough to see a doctor, just nurses."

"You are going to have one done right?" Ziva asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know."

"I think you should Tony. It will help us catch whoever did this." Ziva said softly.

Tony nodded. "I know."

"Okay."

A knock on the door snapped them out of their conversation, and they turned to watch a tall, dark-haired woman in a white coat walk into the room.

Ziva stood up. "Can I see your identification please?" Ziva asked.

The woman held up her ID badge for her to see; Doctor Sofia Roberts. Ziva nodded. "Thank you." She said before she sat back down.

"Special Agent DiNozzo, I'm Doctor Roberts, how're you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm fine." Tony said.

Doctor Roberts nodded. "Because of the circumstances, and the manner in which you were brought in, I would like to have my nurse do a rape kit, if that's okay with you."

Tony nodded silently. "It's fine."

"Alright, if you're in any pain I can give you something for it." Doctor Roberts said.

Tony nodded again. "I wouldn't say no to some Advil or something."

"Alright." She said as she took a key out of her pocket. She unlocked one of the cupboards and pulled out a bottle marked Ibuprofen. She shook two onto a napkin on Tony's table and he picked them up and swallowed them.

"Thanks." Tony said as he put his water back down on the table.

"You're welcome." Doctor Roberts said. "Would you be more comfortable with a male or female nurse?" She asked.

"I'm not sure."

"It's completely up to you, whatever you feel you would be most comfortable with." Doctor Roberts told him.

Tony stayed silent.

"If you're worried about being judged, I can promise you, you don't have to be. The SANE nurses here are some of the best I've ever worked with, both male and female, and they won't do anything that you aren't comfortable with." She said.

Tony nodded. "Can I have a female nurse please?" He asked quietly.

Doctor Roberts nodded. "Of course. I'll send Sarah in."

Tony nodded, and Doctor Roberts walked out of the room.

"Are you okay Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Define okay." Tony told her.

She nodded. "Good point."

A moment later, another knock on the door came and a small blonde woman in pink scrubs walked in with three folded up paper bags, and a plastic bag full of medical supplies.

"Hi," she said as she put the bags down on the counter, "my name is Sarah, I'm one of the Sexual Assault Examination nurses here." She said, walking over to shake Ziva's hand.

"Ziva David." Ziva told her as she glanced down at her ID badge.

"It's nice to meet you Ziva." She said. She turned to face the bed. "That means you must be Tony."

Tony nodded. "You found me."

Sarah smiled a little. "Okay, well, I'm very sorry to have to be doing this, but I'll try to make it as quick as possible okay?" She asked.

Tony nodded once again.

Sarah turned back to Ziva. "If you could just step into the waiting room Ms. David, I'll come get you when we're finished." She said.

Ziva started to stand up, and Tony put his arm out to stop her. "Can she say?" He asked Sarah.

Ziva looked down at him, and then at Sarah, and then back to Tony, who looked more scared than she had ever seen him.

Sarah nodded. "Of course, if you're comfortable with it." She said.

Tony nodded and Ziva sat back down.

"So to start I'm just going to ask you a few questions, alright?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Sarah grabbed her notepad and pen. "Are you on any medication?" She asked.

"No."

"Are you allergic to any medications?"

"No."

"Do you have any medical issues that we should know about?"

"No."

"Have you had any recent sexual encounters?"

Tony shook his head. "No."

Sarah nodded. "Okay, I'm going to give you these to take." She said as she handed tony a little plastic cup with four pills in it. "They should prevent any STD's."

Tony nodded and swallowed the pills.

Sarah took the cup and threw it in the garbage. "Alright, we can get started with the exam, okay?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"If you need me to stop at any time, tell me, and we can take a break, alright?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"So, I'll do your hands first. I'm going to scrape your fingernails and then cut them, is that okay?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded and put his hands on the table in front of him as Sarah puts on a pair of gloves. "Are you allergic to latex?" She asked.

Tony shook his head no.

"Alright. Can I have your right hand first please?" Sarah asked.

Tony held up his right hand and she took it, making quick work of scraping and cutting his fingernails.

"And the left now please." She said as she let go of his right hand.

Tony's hand dropped down off the side of the bed, in search of Ziva's hand, or some sort of comfort. She slid her hand into his and started to rub the back of his hand with her thumb.

Sarah finished with the left hand and Tony let it drop down beside him.

Ziva watched as Sarah carefully labeled the fingernail clippings and scrapings and put them on the counter behind her.

"Can I take some blood now?" Sarah asked.

Tony tensed. "Why?" He asked.

"To screen for STD's mostly, but a drug and alcohol screen will be performed too."

Tony sighed. "Okay."

"Are you left handed or right handed?"

"Right." Tony said.

Sarah nodded. "Alright." She said as she tied the tourniquet around his left arm.

She prepped his elbow with alcohol, then grabbed the needle off the tray.

"Okay, I'm gonna count to three, and on three I want you to wiggle your toes for me, okay?" She said.

Tony looked up at her, puzzled.

Sarah laughed lightly. "Trust me."

Tony nodded and closed his eyes tightly.

"One, two, three."

Tony wiggled his toes as Sarah slid the needle into his arm. His eyes opened, and he looked back at Sarah, surprised.

"I told you so." She said.

"What happened?" Ziva asked, thoroughly confused.

"He's afraid of needles. It's a trick I learned when I was younger, if you focus on wiggling your toes, you don't even feel the needle." Sarah told her.

"How do you know he is afraid of needles?" Ziva asked.

"Because I've never met one person who isn't a least a little bit weary of me piercing their skin with a sharp object." Sarah said with a smile as she changed the vile attached to the needle.

"She's right Ziva, everyone's afraid of needles. Especially people who almost died from Pneumonic Plague." Tony said.

It was Sarah's turn to look shocked. "Pneumonic Plague?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Long time ago, even longer story." He said.

Ziva smiled. "I am not afraid of needles." She said.

Tony laughed lightly. "Well then you're the exception to the rule."

Ziva smiled, as Tony laughed. At least he could still joke.

"Okay, you ready to wiggle your toes again Tony?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded.

"One, two, three."

Tony wiggled his toes and Sarah slid the needle out of his arm. She collected the three vials of blood and placed them on the counter, then threw the needle and the tubing in the appropriate bins.

"Is it okay if I take some swabs from your mouth, for your own DNA, and then I'll do your, well… other areas?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded.

"Alright." Sarah said.

She took off her gloves and threw them in the trash and walked over to the sink to wash her hands. She pulled on a fresh pair of gloves and picked up three long cotton swabs, all individually wrapped.

"Alright Tony, can you open your mouth please?" Sarah asked.

Tony did as he was asked, and Sarah swabbed both of his cheeks, his throat, and his tongue, and put the swabs back into their respective containers.

"Okay, are you okay for me to do the rectal swabs?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded slowly.

"Alright." Sarah said as she walked back to the counter to label the swabs. She picked up two more long cotton swabs and dragged a stool to the left side of the bed.

"Can you turn onto your right side and tuck your legs up to your chest, basically curl into the fetal position?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded and turned over and curled his legs up in front of him.

"This shouldn't hurt, but it might feel a bit uncomfortable." Sarah said.

"Okay." Tony replied quietly.

Sarah moved Tony's gown, and Tony's eyes squeezed shut as his hand tightened around Ziva's.

Ziva brought her free hand up to run through his hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked softly.

Tony forced a nod.

"You're doing great Tony, just one more, then I'm done." Sarah said.

Tony's hand tightened around Ziva's once more, and Sarah put his gown back down and stood up.

Tony opened his eyes to look up at Ziva.

"It's all done." She said, smiling softly.

"You can roll onto your back if you like Tony." Sarah told him.

She labeled the swabs and moved back to stand in front of Tony.

"The next part, you may want Ziva to leave for." Sarah told him.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Because I'm about to ask you to take off your gown so I can look at your injuries, and take some photos, if that's okay with you. I won't take any photos of your genitals, just the bruises on your face, and any other visible injuries, is that alright?" Sarah asked.

"It's fine." Tony said.

"Do you want me to go Tony?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head. "No, stay."

Ziva squeezed his hand. "Okay."

Sarah grabbed a large folded paper sheet off the counter, then unfolded it and placed it on the floor.

"Are you okay to stand Tony?" She asked.

"I think so." Tony told her.

He let go of Ziva's hand and slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Ziva stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed, ready to catch Tony if he fell.

He stood up without a problem.

"Great Tony, can you walk over and stand on this please?" Sarah asked, pointing to the sheet on the floor.

Tony nodded and walked slowly over to the sheet, wincing with every step he took.

Ziva stood close to him in case he did fall.

"Can you take your gown off please?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded and undid the ties at his side.

Sarah held up a paper bag for Tony's gown and he dropped it in.

Ziva did her best not to look, for the sake of Tony's ever shrinking privacy, but she could help but notice the bruises all over his back. He had defensive bruises on his forearms, bruises all the way down his sides, the back of his knees, ' _probably how they got him to the ground,'_ Ziva thought. Even the tops of his feet were bruised from trying to fight his attackers off. His shoulders and the back of his neck were bruised from being held down, his inner thighs were bruised, consistent with rape, and there was a bruise in the middle of his back that made it look like someone was kneeling on him. Ziva actually felt nervous to see the bruises on the front of his body.

"Okay Tony, I'm just going to take pictures of the bruises on your legs and feet first, alright?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Sarah picked up the camera and started taking photos of the front of his legs, writing down what each photo was as she went.

"I'm sorry Tony, can you move your penis please, so I can get the thighs?" Sarah asked gently.

Tony did as he was asked, and Sarah's camera flashed a few more times.

"Okay." Sarah said before she aimed the camera at the bruises on his abdomen, then his arms, and then his face.

"Alright Ziva, can you come around in front of Tony, so I can photograph his back?" Sarah asked.

Ziva nodded and walked around to stand in front of Tony, who was looking down at his bruised body.

"Are you alright Tony?" Ziva asked.

Tony looked up at her. His right eye was slightly open now. "How bad is the back?" He asked as Sarah photographed the bruises on his hips.

"How bad do they feel?" Ziva asked.

"Bad."

Ziva nodded. "That is about how they look."

Tony nodded silently.

"I just have to get the back of your knees and then I'm done Tony." Sarah said.

"Then can I shower?" Tony asked.

"I'm going to need a urine sample first, but if it's alright with Doctor Roberts, you can shower." Sarah said as she put the camera back down on the counter.

"Can I have a new gown please?" Tony asked.

Ziva walked over to the bedside table where there was a stack of fresh gowns on the bottom shelf and grabbed one.

"Do you need some help?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

Ziva unfolded the gown and opened it. "Holy your arms out." She requested.

Tony stepped off the paper sheet, so Sarah could fold it up, and walked toward Ziva. He slid his arms into the sleeves and Ziva draped the gown over his shoulders.

"I am going to tie it up, okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded and Ziva walked around to tie the gown.

"Is it too tight?" She asked.

Tony shook his head no. "It's fine."

"Can you get back to the bed on your own?" Ziva asked.

"I think so." Tony said.

He made his way over to the bed successfully and sat down.

"Do you think you could fill this about half way?" Sarah asked, handing Tony a plastic urine sample cup.

Tony nodded and took the cup from her, then headed toward the bathroom.

He barely got three steps in before Sarah interrupted him. "Oh, wait, Tony, I have a question for you before you go in there." Sarah said.

Tony turned back to face her.

Sarah looked toward Ziva, almost like she was asking Tony's permission to say something in front of her.

"It's fine, whatever you want to ask, Ziva can hear." Tony said.

Sarah nodded. "When I was checking you over, I saw some… fluids on your stomach and penis, I forgot to swab them, can I just do that really fast?" Sarah asked.

"You don't need to, um, it's mine." Tony said, looking down at the floor.

"Oh, I understand, but just to be one hundred percent sure I've gotten all the DNA I can, can I take a swab?" Sarah asked.

Tony nodded. "Alright."

"I'm so sorry, can you sit down on the bed please?" She asked.

Tony nodded and sat back down on the bed. He reached for Ziva's hand. She took it, and smiled Tony looked away from her.

"Okay, I just need a quick swab. Can you lift your gown?"

Tony nodded and lifted his gown.

"Okay, now you can do the urine sample." Sarah said as she put the swabs in her containers.

"Are you sure?" Tony snapped.

Sarah nodded. "I am so sorry, Tony. I understand that this isn't easy."

Tony nodded. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. You're just trying to help."

"It's fine Tony, really." Sarah said.

"I'm gonna go pee in a cup." Tony said as he walked toward the bathroom door.

A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened, and Tony walked out of the bathroom with his cup for Sarah to put into a plastic bag.

"Are we done?" Tony asked.

"Yes, I've got everything I need." Sarah said.

"Can you have everything sent to Abigail Sciuto at NCIS Headquarters please?" Ziva asked.

Sarah nodded. "Of course. It'll be there within the hour." She said.

Ziva nodded. "Thank you."

"I'll go check to see if Doctor Roberts is okay with you taking a shower." Sarah said.

A few minutes later, the door opened to reveal Doctor Roberts. She stepped into the room.

"Sarah said you wanted to take a shower?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "If it's okay with you."

Doctor Roberts nodded, looking over his chart. "I'd like you to wait at least until the morning, with the extent of your injuries, everything is gonna be really sore, and with the concussion… I just don't want you to fall." Doctor Roberts told him.

Tony sighed. "Okay. When can I go home?"

"Probably tomorrow morning, I'll come check on you first thing and check out your cognitive function, but I'm not worried."

Tony nodded. "Alright. Thank you."

Doctor Roberts smiled. "Don't hesitate to call someone if you need anything."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Three**_

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Ziva asked as she looked down at her watch. She had already been there two hours, it was three o'clock in the morning.

Tony nodded. "I don't wanna be alone." He said quietly as he looked away from her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"What is there to talk about?"

"Anything Tony, just do not shut me out. Please. It will not do you any good." Ziva said softly.

"It's what you do." Tony told her.

Ziva sighed. She knew she couldn't deny that. "You're right. I do shut people out because that is how I was raised. It's what my father taught me from the time I began training for Mossad. It was what all of my instructors and superiors told me. Do not show fear, do not show emotions, they make you week. But you are not like me Tony. You talk, and you joke, you _need_ to communicate in some way." Ziva said.

Tony looked shocked. "I don't know what to say." He said simply.

"You can say anything Tony. You can tell me anything." Ziva said softly.

"I'm scared." Tony said.

"Of what?"

"What people at work will think." Tony told her.

"They're going to think that something terrible happened to you, and that you are going to be okay." Ziva said softly.

"I don't know if I will be." He said.

Ziva rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb gently. "You are going to be okay. It might take a long time, but you will be okay."

"Are you okay?" Tony asked.

Ziva sighed. "Most days. There are some days when I just want to crawl into a hole and cry." She told him honestly.

Tony nodded. "I just don't understand why I couldn't get them off of me. I'm a trained federal agent, I aced defensive tactics at FLETC, but I couldn't get them off me."

"How did they take you down?" Ziva asked.

"I'm not sure. I think one of them grabbed my shoulder and the other kicked the back of my knees." He said.

"You didn't see them coming, there were two of them, and they restrained you. It is perfectly understandable that you couldn't get them off of you." Ziva said as she ran her hand up and down Tony's arm to comfort him.

Tony shrugged his shoulders silently. "Yeah, I guess."

"Why don't you try and get some rest?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them, and I feel them, and I want to take a shower and just scrub until I can't feel them anymore." He said.

Ziva nodded. "I know that Tony, but it is not going to get any better if you are more sleep deprived than you already are." She said.

Tony nodded.

"And I will be right here. I am not going anywhere, okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded again.

Ziva stood up and pulled the blanket up over his chest. "I will be right here if you need anything. Do you want the lights off?" She asked.

"Yes please."

Ziva walked over to the light switch and flipped it to the off position, then walked back over to the chair and sat down again. Tony's hand reached for hers again and she started to rub the back of his hand with her thumb. "Get some sleep." She said softly.

XXXXX

Ziva had just drifted off to sleep when Tony jerked awake, hands flying, and yelling. Ziva jumped up and grabbed his hands out of the air before he ended up hurting himself, or her.

"Tony, TONY!" She yelled.

Tony stopped moving.

"It's just me. Is it okay if I turn on the lamp?" Ziva asked.

She saw him nod and she reached for the lamp beside the bed. The light flicked on and she turned to see tears running down Tony's cheeks.

"Nightmare?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He said, trying to muffle a sob.

Ziva sat down on the bed beside him. "You didn't wake me." She lied easily. "And you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to talk about the dream?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Kind of."

"Alright." Ziva said.

"Can you maybe turn the light off first though?" He asked.

Ziva nodded and reached over to turn off the lamp.

"Better?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"Do you want to tell me what happened in the dream?" Ziva asked.

"It was, I just, relived it, I guess… It felt so real, it hurt so bad Ziva." He said as his hand came up to wipe his tears.

Ziva nodded. "I am so sorry this happened to you Tony." She said softly.

"Can you do something for me?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "Of course."

He turned to face her, and in a small, almost childlike voice, he asks, "will you hold me?"

Ziva wasn't even sure how to describe the emotions the sound of his voice made her feel. She wanted to cry, and hug him, but first she wanted to kill the bastards who did this to him, but she knew she couldn't, so she nodded silently and wrapped her arms around him.

He buried the unbruised side of his face into her chest, and she could hear him sniffling.

"I had an orgasm Ziva." Tony told her, so quietly she almost didn't hear him before he started shaking and sobbing.

Ziva rubbed his back softly, careful to avoid any sore spots with one hand, and ran her other hand through his hair. _'He needs this. He needs to cry.'_ She thought to herself, so she rubbed his back, and let him cry.

It took about an hour for his breathing to slow down enough for him to talk.

"I'm not gay." Was the first thing he said.

Ziva laughed lightly. "I know that Tony."

"I had an orgasm. What does that mean? Did I like it? Am I gay?" He asked softly.

"It means that your body had an involuntary reaction. It does not mean you are gay, and it certainly does not mean you liked it, or wanted it. Did you want it to happen Tony?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head no.

"Then that is all that matters." Ziva told him.

"But.."

Ziva cut him off. "It happens more than you think Tony. I promise, you're not the only one it has happened to."

Tony nodded, understanding what she was telling him, Ziva was just glad that he didn't decide to pry.

"Do you think you can try and sleep a little bit more?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "You'll stay here?"

"I won't leave unless you want me to."

"Can you rub my back again? It helped the pain a little bit." Tony said slowly.

Ziva smiled and started to rub his back.

"Thanks."

"Goodnight Tony. Ani ohvet otha." Ziva said softly.

"I have no idea what that means, but right back at ya." Tony said.

Ziva smiled softly, wishing that were true.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Four**_

Tony's snoring woke Ziva up. She looked down at her watch; seven o'clock. She had gotten a total of three hours of sleep all night. Tony was still sleeping peacefully with his head on Ziva's chest. She grabbed her phone off of the chair beside the bed to see if she had missed any calls.

Abby called her at six thirty. She dialed her number and put the phone to her ear.

"Ziva, is he okay? I got the evidence, how's he doing? What happened? Is he okay?" Abby asked a she picked up the phone.

Ziva smiled. "He will be okay Abby. He is asleep right now, which is probably the best thing for him. He was attacked behind a bar, did Gibbs or McGee not tell you anything?" She asked.

"Of course they did, but you're the one who's with him. You're the one who's talked to him, I just needed to hear it from you." Abby said.

Ziva nodded. "He's okay Abby." She told her.

"Okay, I just needed to hear it for sure. I'm gonna start processing the evidence, I'll talk to you later." Abby said.

"Okay." Ziva said, and then hung up the phone.

There was a knock at the door, and Doctor Roberts poked her head into the room.

"Come in." Ziva said as she reached over to turn on the lamp.

"I just wanna check his head, and then he can go if he's got someone to stay with him." Doctor Roberts said.

"I'll stay with him." Ziva told her.

Doctor Roberts smiled. "How long have you been together?" She asked.

"We are not together, he is my partner." Ziva said.

"You obviously care about him greatly." Doctor Roberts said.

Ziva smiled. "I do." She told the doctor before she turned to look at Tony, gently shaking his shoulder. "Tony, Doctor Roberts is here."

Tony groaned, and turned his head to avoid the light before he opened his eyes.

"Good morning Agent DiNozzo. I'm just going to check a few things, and if anything is good you are free to go." Doctor Roberts said.

Ziva sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Tony's grip on Ziva's waist tightened. She turned to look at him.

"I am just going to sit in the chair, I won't leave." Ziva told him softly.

Tony's arm relaxed, and he reached for her hand as she sat in the chair. Ziva took his hand in both of hers, smiling what she hoped what a reassuring smile. She couldn't remember a time when she had seen Tony this scared, and she was learning very quickly that she didn't like to see him scared.

"You can call me Tony doc, I'm not really in an agent type of position right now." Tony said.

"Okay, Tony, do you have a headache?" Doctor Roberts asked.

Tony nodded. "A small one."

"Is your vision blurry?"

Tony shook his head no.

"Are you nauseous or dizzy?" She asked.

"A little dizzy but not nauseous." He said.

"Okay, I'm just gonna check your eyes, alright?"

Tony nodded, and Doctor Roberts grabbed her pen light out of her coat pocket. She shined the light in Tony's right eye, then his left, and then his right again.

"Your right pupil is a little bit slower to react than your left, but I don't think it's anything to worry to much about." She said as she clicked the light off. "You're free to go, if you're in any pain, Tylenol or Advil, and you need someone to stay with you for about a week, just in case."

A look of fear crossed Tony's face. "I don't have anyone."

Ziva squeezed his hand. "Yes, you do."

He looked over at her. "Really?" He asked, relieved.

Ziva nodded. "I would not have offered if I did not mean it."

Tony nodded. "Thanks."

"I told you I would not leave if you did not want me to. I did not mean just last night." Ziva told him.

"I don't have any clothes to change into." Tony said.

Doctor Roberts nodded. "I can get you some scrubs if you want to leave, or you can see if someone can bring you some clothes?"

"I want to go home." Tony said.

Doctor Roberts nodded. "I'm early, so I'll go see if I can get you some scrubs."

"Thanks doc." Tony said as he watched her walk out of the room.

"Do you want to go to your place or mine?" Ziva asked.

"I don't know."

Ziva nodded. "Okay, how about we go to mine, and if you don't feel comfortable we can go to yours?"

Tony nodded. "Alright."

Tony swung his legs over the side of the bed, with his back facing Ziva. "Undo me?" He asked.

Ziva reached out and untied the knot near his tailbone. She stood up and placed her hand on his shoulder to steady herself. He flinched. "It's ust me." She said as she rubbed his shoulder softly.

He nodded. "I know, I just…" He trailed off.

"I know." Ziva said as she untied the knot at the top of the gown.

The gown fell open to reveal the bruises on his back.

"How does it look?" He asked.

"Painful." Ziva said.

Tony laughed lightly. "They feel painful."

"Okay Tony, they might be a little bit big, but I figured too big was better than too small." Doctor Roberts said as she walked back into the room.

"It's fine. I'll only be in them for a little while." Tony said.

"I have some instructions for Ziva, so we'll wait out in the hall while you change, okay?"

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Ziva followed Doctor Roberts out of the room, and stood in the hallway, leaning against the door frame.

"Instructions?" Ziva asked.

Doctor Roberts nodded. "He has a mild concussion, nothing too serious, but if he develops a bad headache, or starts slurring his words, bring him back immediately and have them page me."

Ziva nodded. "Alright. Anything else?"

"No heavy exercise until the bruises are healed a bit more, no Aspirin, and I don't suggest tight clothing for a while, but I think he could have figured out that that might hurt." She said.

"Okay." Ziva said.

"And be close to the bathroom when he showers, just in case he gets dizzy, there's a good chance he'll fall."

Ziva nodded. "Is anything broken?" She asked.

Doctor Roberts shook her head. "I don't believe so, the worst it might be is a cracked rib, other than that it's just scrapes and bruises from being on the ground."

The door opened, and Tony stepped out. "You ready?" He asked.

Ziva nodded.

"I just need you to sign this, Tony." Doctor Roberts said, holding up her clipboard.

Tony took her pen and signed his name and handed it back to her.

"Let's get out of here." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. "Alright, I think that's for you." She said, pointing at the nurse who was walking toward them with a wheelchair.

"I don't need that." He said, trying to appear tougher than he felt.

"It's hospital policy Tony." Doctor Roberts said.

Tony looked almost thankful that he didn't have to play tough and resigned his position. "Alright." He said as he lowered himself down into the chair carefully.

"Can I go now?" He asked.

Doctor Roberts smiled. "Yes. Goodbye Tony."

"Bye doc." Tony said as the nurse started to wheel him down the hall toward the Emergency Room doors.

"I'll get the car." Ziva said when they reached the doors.

"I'll be here." Tony replied.

Ziva jogged to her car and got into the driver's seat and backed out of the parking spot. She drove around the parking lot until she got back to the doors where Tony was sitting with the nurse.

She put the car in park and got out to help him.

The nurse put the brakes on on the wheelchair and lifted the foot pedals. Ziva held her arm out for Tony to take. He held onto her arm and stood up. She led him over to the car and steadied him as he lowered himself into the passenger seat.

"Can you do the seatbelt? It hurts to twist." Tony said.

Ziva grabbed the seatbelt and leaned into the car, overtop of Tony and pushed the clip into the buckle and got out.

She closed the door and walked around to the driver's side and got in.

"I'm gonna need clothes." Tony said.

"When we get to my apartment, I will call McGee and see if he will get some of your clothes for you." Ziva told him

"Alright, let's go then. I'm sick of this place."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Five**_

Ziva put the car in park in her apartment's assigned parking spot and turned the car off.

"Are you okay to walk, or do you want to wait for a minute or two?" She asked.

"I'm okay. Your car really isn't that comfortable." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. "Well then it's a good thing it isn't your car."

Tony nodded. "I suppose it is."

Ziva undid her seatbelt, then Tony's and pulled the keys out of the ignition. She got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side door. She opened it an extended her hand to Tony to take. He took it and pulled himself out of the car, and Ziva helped him lean against the car for a moment so she could close the door.

"To the elevator." She said as she started to lead Tony up to the front of the building. She pulled the door open and helped Tony over to the elevator. She pressed the call button and was surprised when the door slid open immediately. They stepped into the elevator and hit the '8' button. The doors slid closed and slid open a few seconds later on the eighth floor.

Ziva lead Tony out of the elevator and down the hall to her apartment before she let go of his hand. She took her keys out of her pocket and slid the house key into the lock and turned it, then pushed the door open.

"I do not think you have been here, have you?" Ziva asked. She moved after Michael was killed – not that she really had a choice since her apartment literally exploded, and nobody from work had seen her new apartment.

"It's nice." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I like it." She told him. "Couch or bed?" She asked.

"Can I take a shower?" He asked.

"Are you sure you do not want to wait until someone brings you some clothes?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head no. "I want to wash them off me." He said quietly.

Ziva nodded. "Alright. Doctor Roberts wanted someone close when you shower in case you call, or get dizzy, so can you let me call McGee, and then I'll come with you?" She asked.

"I'm a big boy Ziva. I can shower by myself." Tony said.

Ziva could tell he was getting a bit agitated. She walked over to him and rested her hands on his hips, just above the bruises.

"I know you can Tony, but I do not want you to underestimate what a concussion, even a small one can do to you, especially since this is not your first. I do not want you to fall and be in even more pain than you already are. I promise I will be quick, okay?" She said softly.

Tony sighed. "Alright."

"Thank you. Why don't you go grab a towel and get the water warmed up? It is the last door." Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "Okay." He said before turning to walk down the hallway to the bathroom.

As soon as Ziva heard the water start running she picked up her cell phone and dialed McGee's number.

"Hey Ziva."

"Where are you right now?" Ziva asked.

"I'm just about to leave my apartment, why?" He asked.

"Can you stop at Tony's and get him some loose clothing? Some t-shirts, underwear, and sweat pants?" She asked.

"Uh, why? Isn't he going home after he's released?" McGee asked.

"He's already been released, we are at my apartment." Ziva told him.

"Oh, okay. How is he?"

Ziva sighed. "Scared, ashamed, worried." She listed.

"Is he gonna be okay Ziva?" McGee asked quietly.

"I think so." Ziva said.

"How much should I bring?" McGee asked.

"A week's worth at least. He wants to have a shower, and the doctor does not want him alone in slippery places, so I will leave the door unlocked for you." Ziva told him.

"Alright. I'll be there in about twenty minutes." He said.

"Okay. Thank you Tim." Ziva said.

"No problem." McGee said before hanging up.

Ziva walked down the hallway to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

She opened the door and saw Tony, wrapped in a towel waiting for her so he could step into the walk-in shower.

"Would you like me to look away?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Please."

Ziva smiled softly and turned her back to him. She heard the door slide open and shut before Tony spoke.

"You can turn around again." He said.

Ziva turned back and leaned back against the counter beside the shower.

"Um, Ziva?" Tony asked quietly.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

"Can you help me?"

"Of course. What do you need help with?" Ziva asked.

"Can you do my hair? And my back?"

Ziva stood up straight. "Okay, would you like me in there with you or out here with the door open?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "It doesn't matter. In here might be easier, there's something for me to sit on if I need to." He said.

"Okay, um, just give me a second to get undressed and get myself a towel." She said before walking out of the bathroom and opening the door of the linin closet beside the bathroom.

She walked back into the bathroom and tossed the towel on the counter beside Tony's.

She bit her lip softly. She was hoping not to have to do this. There were many scars on her body from Saleem and his men, and she was hoping not to have to show Tony, or anyone else just yet. But Tony needed her help, so she would help him not matter what.

She stripped off her tank top and sweatpants, then her underwear, and slid open the shower door.

She stepped into the warm shower and Tony reached behind himself to hand her the wash cloth. She hung it over the rack on the door and reached for the shampoo.

"I only have my girly shampoo." She told him.

"It's fine. It smells good." Tony said.

Ziva smiled and opened the bottle. She poured some of the soap into her hand and rubbed her hands together for a moment.

"Are you ready?" Ziva asked, wanting to warn him before she touched him.

Tony nodded and Ziva began to work the shampoo into his hair gently. He tensed slightly, but after a few moments, relaxed into Ziva's hands.

"Would you like to rinse, and then I can do your back, or would you like me to do your back and leave so you can do the rest?" Ziva asked.

"I'll just rinse first." Tony said. He turned around and leaned back slightly under the water.

Once he was sure all of the shampoo was out, he turned back around and Ziva picked up the wash cloth and her body wash and started to work gently on his back.

"If it hurts, tell me." Ziva told him as she began to wash the bruised areas.

"It's actually helping." Tony said.

"Okay." Ziva said as she finished soaping his shoulders. "Can you do the rest?" She asked.

Tony turned under the showerhead and let the water fall onto his back.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." He said.

"Why?" Ziva asked.

"Because I'm pretty sure if I start scrubbing, I'm not going to stop." He said.

Ziva nodded. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Can you do it?" He asked.

"Are you sure you're comfortable with that Tony?" Ziva asked.

"No, but I need to feel clean Ziva." He pleaded.

Ziva nodded. "If I hurt you, or if you start to feel uncomfortable, tell me, and I will stop, okay?"

Tony nodded and closed his eyes, waiting for her to start.

Ziva worked her way over his body fairly quickly, and when she was finished his legs and stood up, his eyes were still squeezed shut.

She brought her hand up to cup his uninjured cheek.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"I figured you might want to, um, finish?" Ziva asked, referring to his penis, which she didn't touch.

Tony nodded and took the wash cloth from her. He rinsed it and cleaned himself off thoroughly before he gave it back to her to hang up.

"Are you ready to get out?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded.

"Okay, um, you first." She said. She took his hand, so she could help him step out of the shower carefully. He reached for his towel and wrapped it around himself, then handed Ziva hers.

"Thank you." Ziva said. "McGee should have dropped off your clothes by now, I will go grab you something to put on." She told him. She walked down the hall to the living room where she spotted Tony's go bag sitting on the coffee table.

She opened it and dug out a pair of underwear, sweatpants, and a t-shirt, and she walked back down to the bathroom.

She held the clothes out to Tony.

"I'm not sure I should be bending over." Tony said quietly.

"Would you like me to help?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Please." He said, looking away from her. He finished drying himself off and leaned against the counter.

"Do you want these?" Ziva asked, holding up the underwear she had pulled from his bag.

Tony shook his head no.

"Alright." Ziva said. She grabbed the sweatpants off the counter and unfolded them. "Can you lift your right foot?"

Tony put his hands on Ziva's shoulders to steady himself as he lifted his right, then his left foot, and allowed Ziva to pull the pants up, settling them on his hips.

"The shirt?" She asked.

"Moving my arms above my head hurts." He told her.

Ziva nodded. "Okay, so you don't wear a shirt." Ziva stated.

"If that's okay with you." Tony said.

Ziva smiled softly. "It is fine Tony."

Tony nodded. "Okay."

"Do you want something to eat?" Ziva asked as she led him back down the hallway to the living room.

"Umm…"

She turned to look at him. "Tony?" She asked.

He looked up at her.

Ziva walked over and took his hand. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"I'm hungry, but I need to sit down, and…" He trailed off.

"But what Tony?" Ziva asked.

"It's stupid." He told her, looking down at their joined hands.

"Tony look at me." Ziva told him.

Tony looked up.

"If it is bothering you, it is not stupid." She told him as she helped him sit down on the couch.

"I don't want you to be in a different room for that long. It's nothing. I'm just being clingy, it's fine." Tony said quietly.

"Why do you not want me in another room for that long?" Ziva asked.

"You keep me calm." Tony said.

"What do you mean?"

Tony shook his head. "I don't really know. I just, last night before you go to the hospital, I was jumpy, and scared, and I couldn't let anyone touch me. Not even a nurse. They wanted to do an IV, and I said no. I just didn't want to be touched, I was too scared. And when you got there, you didn't even have to touch me. I just didn't feel scared, or jumpy, or alone anymore. You make me feel safe." Tony told her.

Ziva blinked the tears out of her eyes before they could start to fall. "There is a café down the street, they have fantastic pancakes, and they deliver. I can call them if you want." Ziva told him.

"Would you? I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so clingy, it must be getting annoying. Actually, forget I said anything." Tony said as he tried to push himself off the couch.

Ziva tightened her grip on his hand and brought him back down to the couch. She wrapped her free arm around his waist and started to massage the bruises on his back and sides.

"You are not annoying me Tony. I am actually shattered." Ziva said.

"Shattered?" Tony asked.

"Yes, I think that is the right word. I am honoured, that you feel so safe with me. Nobody ever has, and if they have, they certainly never told me." Ziva told him.

"I think you mean flattered Zi." Tony said.

"Flattered! Right! At least I was close." Ziva said, smiling.

Tony laughed, and Ziva found herself momentarily captivated by his smile. Even though he had been laughing and joking around yesterday at work before they left, it had been too long since she'd seen him smile.

"So pancakes?" Ziva asked.

"Alright." Tony said. "Can I use your computer for a minute?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "Go ahead."

He grabbed the laptop off the coffee table in front of the couch and opened it.

Ziva walked over to the cabinet beside the television and opened the drawer. She pushed through the abundance of take-out menus until she found the one she wanted.

She dialed the number and waited for someone to answer.

"Grinder's Café, this is Max, how can I help you?"

"I would like to place an order for delivery please." Ziva said.

"Sure, what would you like?" He asked.

"Two orders of pancakes, one with no bacon, one with extra bacon, two hash browns, and two small bottles of orange juice please."

"Alrighty, your total will be fifteen dollars and eighty-four cents."

Ziva gave him her address and hung up the phone.

"He said it should be here in about ten minutes." Ziva said as she dropped the menu back into the drawer.

"I am going to put some clothes on." Ziva said, looking down at the towel she was still wearing.

"Alright." Tony said.

Ziva turned and walked down the hallway to her bedroom. She grabbed a pair of sleeping shorts and a tank top out of her dresser and pulled them on quickly before walking back out to the living room. She sat down on the couch beside Tony, who was looking at a website in Hebrew.

"What are you doing?" Ziva asked.

"I thought I should keep myself busy, so I'm learning something." Tony said.

"Hebrew?"

Tony nodded. "I think it's interesting."

Really?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded.

"Most people consider it a dying language." Ziva said.

"I don't." Tony said.

Ziva smiled.

"So, teach me something." Tony said.

Ziva laughed lightly. "What do you want to know?"

Tony smiled. "Thank you." He requested.

"Toda."

Tony nodded. "Toda." He repeated.

Ziva smiled. "Tov me'od, Tony."

"What's that?" Tony asked.

"Very good." Ziva told him.

"How about please?" Tony asked.

"Bevakasha."

"Beva… what? Slow down." Tony told her.

"Bevakasha." Ziva repeatedly, slower.

"Bevakasha?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "Exactly."

Tony looked back at the computer screen, and Ziva's eyes followed his.

"Why are you reading about the new Chief of Staff of the IDF?" Ziva asked.

"You can actually read that?" Tony asked, running his finger along a sentence.

Ziva nodded. "Just as well as you can read English."

Tony laughed lightly. "Fair enough."

Tony jumped slightly when they heard a knock on the door.

"It's just the food." Ziva said softly.

Tony nodded and turned back to the computer. He exited the tab he was looking at and closed the computer, then put it back on the coffee table.

Ziva grabbed her wallet out of her jacket and took out a twenty. She looked through the peep hole, to make sure it actually was the food, and she opened the door. The woman at the door handed her the bag with the food.

"Fifteen eighty-four ma'am."

Ziva handed her the twenty. "You can keep the change."

The delivery girl smiled. "Thank you. Have a nice day." She said before turning and walking back toward the elevator.

Ziva closed the door and put the bag down on the coffee table. "I'll grab some plates."

She walked into the kitchen and grabbed two plates from the cupboard and returned to the living room.

Tony had already ripped into the bag and had the containers out on the table.

"They brought us forks and knives." He told Ziva.

Ziva smiled softly. "The bacon is all yours." She told him as she handed him a plate.

Tony nodded and tore open one of the small plastic packages the forks were in, and piled bacon and pancakes onto his plate.

"There is a hash brown in there for you too." Ziva told him as she stabbed two pancakes of her own.

Tony smiled and reached for the hash brown.

"When was the last time you ate?" Ziva asked as Tony shoved almost half a pancake into his mouth.

"Lunch yesterday." Tony told her.

Ziva nodded. "Okay, well you need to slow down, because I do not want to end up having to give you the Heimlich while you are covered in bruises." Ziva said.

Tony nodded and began to chew slower.

"Thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Six**_

Ziva finished washing the last plate in the sink and put it in the dish tray to air dry.

She grabbed her watch from the side of the sink and put it back on her wrist as she walked into the living room, to find Tony asleep on the couch.

She smiled softly and grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch and covered him up. She sat down on the floor next to the coffee table to reply to some emails.

XXXXX

Two hours and thirty-three emails later, Tony jerked awake.

His breathing was quick, and his eyes were darting around the room, trying to figure out where he just woke up. His eyes settled on Ziva and he calmed down noticeably.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded silently.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Tony shook his head no.

"Alright. Can I do anything for you?" Ziva asked.

"Can you just sit with me?" Tony asked.

Ziva exited her Gmail page and closed her laptop and put it back in the middle of the table so it wouldn't get knocked off.

She sat down on the couch and rested against the arm, so she was facing the door, and Tony. She opened her arms and laid down between her legs with his head on her chest.

"Better?" Ziva asked, running her hand through his hair.

Tony nodded. "You can tell me if it's too much you know. If I get too needy." He said softly.

"Stop it Tony. You are not too needy, I do not mind, really." Ziva said.

"I know what you said." Tony said.

"When?" Ziva asked, confused.

"Last night, in the hospital when I went to sleep." He said. "I Googled it while you were getting dressed."

' _Crap.'_ Ziva thought. She bit her lip. "Tony, I… I, um.." She stuttered. "I should not have said…"

"I love you too, Ziva." Tony said.

"I should not ha.. what?" Ziva asked.

Tony chuckled and looked up at her. "I love you too." He repeated.

Ziva stayed quiet. _'He's joking. He has to be joking.'_

"I do not think you mean it the way I do Tony." Ziva said.

"What way do you think I mean it?" He asked.

"You love me like you love Abby. Like a sister." Ziva said.

"That's not how I meant it." Tony told her.

"I do not think you do mean it right now Tony. I think right now you are scared, and you want to feel close to someone, and I am fine if that someone is me, but I do not know what will happen if you say it, and then in a few months you realize that you did not mean it, you just needed someone to be there with you." Ziva said.

She could feel the tears in her eyes. She wanted to believe him, but she was scared to try.

Tony looked up at her and brought a hand up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You're wrong." He said simply.

"What?" Ziva asked, thoroughly confused. She didn't want to get ahead of herself and assume something he didn't mean.

"I love you Ziva. Not like a sister, and not because I'm scared."

"Why?" Ziva asked.

"What do you mean why?" Tony asked.

"Why, when you could literally have any woman that you have so much as blinked at, would you want me?" Ziva asked. She stopped herself when she felt that she had said too much. She had shown fear, fear included insecurity.

"I don't know, but I do. I think the better question right now is why, especially after all of this," Tony said, referring to his bruised body, "would you want me? I don't… I don't want to do the things I used to before." Tony said quietly.

"Do what things Tony?" Ziva asked.

Tony bit his lip. "Uh, well… sex." He said, looking away from her.

"I do not remember asking you for sex Tony." Ziva said.

"Not yet, but you will… I don't… what if I can't?" Tony asked.

Ziva ran her hand through Tony's hair gently. "I, I am not ready for that either Tony." She told him quietly. "And even if I was it does not matter. I do not need sex to be in a relationship."

"Everybody needs sex eventually. And I don't want you to expect that, and then I'm not able to." Tony said.

"Stop it. Sit up." Ziva told him..

Tony pushed himself off of her and Ziva sat up and criss-crossed her legs, so she was still facing him. She slid her hands into his and looked him in the eye.

"If you want this to work, you have to trust me." She told him.

"I do trust you." Tony said.

"Then listen to me. Actually listen to what I am telling you." Ziva said insistently.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Ziva squeezed his hands. "I do not want sex Tony. Not right now. I am not ready. I understand exactly how you feel right now, and I am not saying that I won't wake up tomorrow and be ready, but even if I am, it does not matter to me if you aren't. I will not push you into anything that you are not ready for. I wouldn't ever expect anything like that from you Tony, or anyone else I'm in a relationship for that matter. I expect understanding, and commitment, and loyalty, but I will never, ever, _expect_ sex."

Tony nodded slowly. "I must sound pretty pathetic right now, huh?" He said.

"Why? Because you are uncomfortable with doing something that is scaring you right now? Because right now your mind is relating sex to violence?" Ziva asked softly, running her thumbs over the backs of his hands.

"I know that it isn't supposed to be scary though. And I know it isn't supposed to be related to violence." Tony told her.

"But right now it is. And it's confusing, and terrifying, because what happened to you was exactly that. You are not pathetic Tony. Not even a little bit." Ziva told him softly.

"How are you so calm? How can you talk about it and not want to throw up?" Tony asked.

Ziva shrugged. "After I got back, I was okay for the first little while, I did not think it was affecting me. Then I started to have nightmares, and in the beginning I could just brush them off, they were not interfering with work, so it did not matter. But during that case, the Petty Officer who was raped… it got really bad. I started having flashbacks, reliving it all, while I was at work, and I decided that my job, and my sanity, and my health were more important than my pride. So, I found a therapist. Nobody at NCIS knows Tony, I did not tell them, I did not want it to go in my file and prevent me from becoming an agent." She said, looking down at their hands.

"Did it help? Therapy, I mean?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "It did, it helped a lot actually. There are still nightmares, and I have had panic attacks, and flashbacks, but I know how to deal with them now." Ziva said.

"Do you think it would help me?" Tony asked.

Ziva looked back up. "I think it would."

"I don't want to go right now. I don't think I'm quite ready to talk to a stranger about it." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "That is perfectly okay Tony. Sometimes it is actually easier to talk to a stranger than someone close to you, but whenever you are ready, you can find someone, or if you want, we can set up an appointment with my therapist for a referral." She said.

"Do you still go?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "Once a month. More if I need to. I have an appointment tomorrow, which I need to cancel actually." Ziva said, reaching for her cell phone.

"Why do you need to cancel it?" Tony asked.

Ziva wasn't sure what to say, so she sat in silence.

"Ziva?" He asked.

"Because you do not want to be alone for that long." Ziva admitted quietly.

"I'll go with you." Tony said.

"What?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "I'll go with you, I'll sit in the waiting room. You can't just not go Ziva, it's important."

"So are you." Ziva told him.

"Not that important." He retorted.

"I can just not go this month, or I can reschedule, it is not a big deal Tony." Ziva said.

"Then I'm gonna go home. I'll ask McGee to come check on me every few hours. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but not like this. You will not sacrifice your mental health for me. I won't let you." Tony said stubbornly.

Ziva sighed. Why did the man always have to be so stubborn?

"Okay… okay." She said. "I will go."

Tony let out a sigh of relief. Ziva couldn't tell if it was because she said she would go, or because he wouldn't have to stay alone at home.

Tony brought his hand up to her cheek softly. "You have to promise me that if we do this… relationship thing, you won't give up anything that's important like this because you think it'll make me feel better, okay?" Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "Okay." She agreed.

Tony smiled. "Thank you." He said, leaning forward to kiss Ziva's forehead lightly.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Seven**_

"Are you in pain?" Ziva asked, wanting to change the subject.

Tony nodded. "A little."

"Your back?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded.

"Are your stomach and chest okay? Do you think you could lay down? I could try rubbing your back a bit of you wanted." Ziva suggested.

"Okay." Tony said.

Ziva moved off the couch so he could lay down. He shifted uncomfortably for a few moments before settling.

"Are you ready?" Ziva asked.

"Yeah."

"If I hurt you, tell me." Ziva reminded him.

Tony nodded.

Ziva knelt down beside the couch and started to work on his shoulder blades, which looked like they had sustained the least of the beating. She moved her hands up to the hand shaped bruises that extended from the tops of his shoulders down to just above his underarm.

"Is this okay?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

Her hands traveled to just below the back of his neck, where a bruise stretched from one side to the other, before her hands moved down to his ribs, making him squirm.

"Are you okay?" She asked, worried that she may have pressed to hard.

Tony nodded. "Tickles." He mumbled.

Ziva smiled and worked her way to the middle of his back, around the large bruise there.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Sure."

"How did this one happen?" She asked, referring to the bruise over his spine.

"I tried to get up, and one of them kneeled on me."

Ziva bit her lip. She hadn't wanted to be right about that. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, and before she had the chance to catch it, it fell onto Tony's back.

Tony lifted his head and turned around. "You okay?"

Ziva nodded and wiped the next tear off her cheek. "I am fine."

"Then why are you crying smarty pants?" Tony asked.

"Because I do not like seeing you in pain, and this looks incredibly painful." Ziva told him.

"That's the reason you're doing this. To make it less painful. It's helping." Tony said as he lifted his hand to wipe her tears.

Ziva reached up to hold his hand against her face for a moment before turning her head to press her lips into his palm.

"Lay back down." She said softly.

Tony laid back down and Ziva moved her hands down to the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Can I do your hips? I won't go any further." Ziva said.

Tony nodded, and Ziva slowly, carefully slid her fingers under the waistband of his pants to the back of his hips.

"I wish the bruises would go away. I don't mind the pain, I just don't like the giant purple splotches all over my body. I look like someone dumped grape juice all over me." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I have some Aloe gel I can try if you want." She said.

"I thought that was for sunburns." Tony said.

"It helps bruises too. It speeds the recovery of broken blood vessels." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

"I will be right back." Ziva said.

She stood up and walked into the bathroom in search of the Aloe. She opened the medicine cabinet and took the small bottle from its place on the shelf and hurried back to the living room.

"It will be cold." She said.

Tony jumped when she spoke.

"I am sorry Tony, I did not mean to scare you." Ziva said.

"It's okay, I just didn't hear you come back, I wasn't paying attention." Tony said.

"Okay." Ziva popped the lip on the Aloe open. "Ready?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva squeezed the gel into her hand and rubbed her hands together so it warmed up a little bit before going to work on his back.

"I am going to have to touch the actual bruises." Ziva told him.

"Alright." Tony said, bracing himself.

Ziva slid her hands over his sides first, trying to be as gently as possible as she massaged his wounds, then moved to the bruise in the middle of his back.

"Can I do the hips too?" She asked.

"Yeah." Tony said quietly.

Ziva slipped her hands under the waist band of his sweat pants and gently rubbed the aloe into the back of his hips, before slowly working her way around to the front of his hips, careful not to go to far.

She squeezed some more gel on her hands to do his shoulder and the back of his neck, which made him flinch.

"That one is really bad?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "It was a belt or something."

"A belt?" Ziva asked.

"Yeah, I could feel hands on my shoulders, and I guess they didn't want me to be able to see what was coming, my face was on the pavement and there was something across the back of my neck, and it kind of kept getting tighter across, so I think he had to have had a belt or something across it." Tony told her.

"Does it hurt to move your head?" Ziva asked.

"No, just to touch, or when I lean my head back too far." Tony said.

"Okay." Ziva said softly. She sat back on her heels for a minute, waiting for the Aloe on Tony's back to dry.

"Do you want me to do your chest too?" She asked.

Tony thought for a minute, then nodded. "Yeah, you probably should." He said before rolling onto his back.

Ziva picked up the aloe and squeezed some into her hand. "Ready?"

Tony nodded and Ziva put her hands on his chest gently. She rubbed the aloe into the bruise on the front of his shoulder, then moved to his ribs, and down to his hips.

"Anywhere else?" She asked.

Tony shook his head no. "The rest of them don't hurt as bad."

"Okay." Ziva said as she closed the lid on the aloe.

"Will you lay with me again?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "Of course, just let me put the aloe back?" She said.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

She took the aloe back into the bathroom and turned on the faucet to wash the gel of her hands. She grabbed Tony's towel from his shower to dry her hands before she threw it in the hamper and hung a fresh one on the towel rack.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Ziva asked as she walked back into the living room.

"What do you ha-" Tony's question was interrupted when Ziva's cell phone rang.

She picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It was Gibbs. She hit talk and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello."

"Ziver, how's Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"Good." Ziva said simply.

"Is he up for a ride?"

"Why?" Ziva asked.

"Well the description he gave us isn't really much to go on, we were hoping he would work with Abby for a sketch or two." Gibbs said.

"I will ask, but do not push Gibbs." Ziva told him.

"Well ask then." Gibbs said.

Ziva rolled her eyes and sat down next to Tony. She hit the mute button on her phone, so Gibbs wouldn't be able to hear their conversation.

"Gibbs wants you to go and work with Abby for a sketch." Ziva told him.

"I don't know… I don't really want to be around people." Tony said quietly.

Ziva nodded. "You do not have to today, you are allowed to tell him no."

Tony thought for a moment. "Will you stay with me?" He asked.

Ziva slid her hand into his. "The entire time." She told him.

"Okay." Tony said softly.

"Yes?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "When?"

"I think right now." Ziva told him.

"Alright."

Ziva unmuted the phone and held it up to her ear. "We will be there in about a half an hour." She told Gibbs.

"Okay. Thanks, Ziver."

Ziva hung up.

"I'm gonna need a shirt." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "Yes, you are." She walked over to the bag McGee brought over and unzipped it.

"Is there a long sleeve or a sweater in there or something? I want to cover the bruises." Tony said.

Ziva dug around until she found something that felt like it had sleeves. She pulled out his Ohio State Buckeyes hoodie.

"Good?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"Can you get it on?" She asked.

Tony shook his head no. "Probably not by myself."

"Okay." Ziva said.

She unfolded the sweater.

"Head first I guess." Tony said.

Ziva nodded and slide the sweater over his head and held the arms steady for him to slide into.

He got his arms into the sleeves and held his hands out for Ziva to help him up. She took his hands and he pulled himself off the couch. He stood up a little too quickly and stumbled forward. Ziva braced herself for the impact and wrapped her arms around him to catch him.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked, scanning his face for signs of pain.

Tony nodded. "I think so." He said. "Are you?" He asked, wrapping his arms around Ziva's waist.

"I am fine." She told him.

Tony smiled and kissed her forehead. Ziva smiled and brought one hand up to his cheek and rested the other one carefully on the back of his neck before gently, briefly, pressing her lips to his. She pulled back and tucked her head under his chin.

"I love you Tony." She said as she wrapped her arms around his waist again.

"I love you too Zi." He said softly.

"Are you ready?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head. "No, but I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?" He asked.

"Yes you do Tony. If you do not want to go, I can call Gibbs back and tell him no." Ziva told him.

Tony shook his head. "No, I don't. I have to do this. It's important." He said.

Ziva nodded. "But if it is too much…"

"Just… stay with me." Tony said softly.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "Of course."

"I'll be okay." Tony said softly.

"If you are sure?" Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "If I'm not I'll tell you."

"Alright. Let's go." Ziva said.

Tony let go of Ziva's waist, taking her hand instead. Ziva grabbed her keys and led him out of her apartment.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Eight**_

The elevator doors slid open to reveal the pumpkin orange walls of the bullpen and Tony and Ziva stepped out.

"You do not have to come up here with me Tony, I just need to grab my book out of my desk. You can stay here." Ziva said, referring to the area outside the elevator where the rest of the team would not see him.

Tony shook his head. "I'm okay." He said.

He followed Ziva toward their desks.

McGee stood up and turned off the plasma, which had Tony's pictures on it. Tony wasn't paying enough attention to notice.

"Hey Tony." McGee said as Tony leaned against the bookshelf behind Ziva's desk.

"Hey McGee." Tony said quietly.

"What're you two doing up here?" Gibbs asked as he walked into bullpen behind Tony.

Ziva grabbed her unfinished book out of her desk drawer and locked it again.

"I forgot my book yesterday." Ziva told him, reaching for Tony's hand. He was shaking.

"We are just going to go see Abby and get out of here." Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "Good idea." He said quietly.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs said as they started toward the elevator.

Tony turned around.

"It's good to see you." Gibbs said simply.

Tony nodded, smiling slightly and allowed Ziva to lead him toward the elevator.

Ziva pressed the elevator call button and watched as the doors slid open, and Tony ran inside. Ziva stepped into the elevator.

"Are you alright Tony?" She asked.

Tony shook his head no as he slid down the wall. "Can't… breathe… dizzy… chest… help…" He choked out.

Ziva reached out and hit the emergency stop button. She squatted down beside Tony.

"You are having a panic attack Tony." She told him calmly. "Can I touch you?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

Ziva sat down on the floor, sitting so that Tony was between her legs, and she wrapped her arms around him. She guided his head to her chest gently.

"You are going to be okay Tony, just try to breathe. Feel my chest moving, breathe with me." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded.

Ziva took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, then let it out. Tony tried to match her breaths, and struggled somewhat for the first few minutes, before he managed to slow his breathing.

Ziva ran her hand through his hair. "There you go, that feels better, just sit and relax for a few minutes Tony, everything is okay."

He was still shaking.

"I'm sorry." Tony said softly.

"Sorry for what?" Ziva asked, genuinely confused.

"All of this." Tony told her quietly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Tony. You did nothing wrong." Ziva said.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tony spoke again. "I hope no one's tried to use this elevator."

"I do not especially care if they have." Ziva said. "Are you okay?"

"I think so. I thought I was having a heart attack." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "It is a scary thing to experience."

"We should get down to the lab, shouldn't we?" Tony asked.

"Are you okay? Because if you are not, we can stay right here until you are." Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "I think I'm good. It was just, being in the squad room, there were a lot of people around, and I felt… I'm not actually sure how I felt." Tony told her.

"Scared? Anxious? Vulnerable?" Ziva asked.

"Yeah."

"How do you feel now?" Ziva asked.

"Better." Tony said.

"Do you want to stand up?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva stood up and held her hands out for Tony. Tony pulled himself off the floor of the elevator and pulled Ziva into a hug.

"I think if I were alone when that happened I would have suffocated." Tony said.

Ziva kissed his check softly. "I don't think so. Are you ready?" She asked.

Tony nodded, and Ziva reached over and hit the emergency stop button again. The lights in the elevator turned back on and Ziva pushed the 'LAB' button on the panel.

The doors slid open a few moments later and Tony let go of Ziva's waist, taking her hand instead.

They walked across the hall to Abby's lab. Abby was standing at her computer, listening to loud music through headphones. Ziva walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. She took off her headphones and turned around quickly, and smiled when she realized it was Ziva, and hey eyes jumped to Tony.

"Tony!" Abby yelled, running toward him. She skidded to a stop about three inches away from him. "Can I hug you?" She asked,

Tony smiled and held out is arms. "Of course." He said before stepping forward to wrap his arms around her.

Ziva smiled softly as she watched the two interact. She could see that Abby wanted to squeeze him tightly, but she was stopping herself, because she had seen the photos of his injuries.

"How are you feeling?" Abby asked.

"I'm okay." Tony told her.

Abby smiled. "Are you ready?"

Tony nodded, and Abby lead Tony and Ziva back into the office portion of her lab. She grabbed a chair for Tony, and Ziva leaned back against the corner of the desk.

"I'm not really sure how much I'll be able to help you Abs." Tony said.

"Anything is better than nothing." Abby told him.

Tony nodded silently. Ziva reached for his hand, and he took it. Ziva gave him an 'are you okay?' look. Tony nodded.

"Let's do the first one and see where we get, okay?" Abby asked.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

"Let's start with face shape." Abby said as she opened the program on her computer. "Was it round, square, oval?"

"Round, I guess." Tony said.

"Okay." Abby said as she clicked her mouse. Ziva watched as the faceless head on the screen changed shape slightly. "Does that look right?"

Tony nodded. "I think so, it's kind of hard to tell without the rest of the face."

"Is the skin color okay?" Abby asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay, how about hair color?" Abby asked.

"Brown."

"Dark brown? Light brown?" Abby asked.

"Dark." Tony told her.

Abby nodded. "Alright." She said as she clicked a button on her screen. Hair appeared on the computer-generated man.

"How about length?" Abby asked.

"Short, but longer than mine." Tony said.

"Okay, how's that?" Abby asked as the hair style and length changed.

Tony nodded. "Good."

"Okay, eyebrows next. Can you remember what they looked like?" Abby asked.

"Kind of flat." Tony said.

Abby nodded, and the eyebrows appeared.

"Yeah, like that." Tony told her.

"Okay, do you remember the shape of his eyes?" Abby asked.

"I think they were kind of round, but like, not round at the same time." Tony said.

"Okay, like this?" Abby asked.

"Yeah, and they were a little farther apart."

Abby rearranges the eyes.

"There." Tony said.

"Great." Abby said.

Tony looked up at Ziva, who smiled back at him.

"Do you remember his eye color?" Abby asked.

"Not really, it was dark, they might've been brown, I'm not sure though." Tony said.

"Okay, well about eighty-three percent of people in the USA have brown eyes, so let's assume that half of those people are men in the age range we're looking for, and we'll give him brown eyes until you remember something else?" Abby asked.

Tony nodded. "Alright."

"How about his nose?" Abby asked.

Tony shook his head no. "Not really. I think it was long, maybe pointed."

Abby added a long, pointed nose to the man on the computer. "Good?"

Tony nodded.

"His mouth?" Abby asked.

Tony shrugged. "It just looked like a normal mouth."

Abby nodded. "Aright, any identifying marks?"

"Not that I saw." Tony told her.

"Alright, does this look somewhat accurate?" Abby asked.

Tony stared at the photo for a few minutes, then nodded slowly. "Yeah. That's him."

"Okay." Abby said. She clicked the 'PRINT PAGE' button and left the paper in the printer.

Ziva could feel Tony's hand starting to shake.

"Do you want to take a break Tony?" Ziva asked.

Tony shook his head. "No, I just finish and go home."

"Alright, let's try to get this second one done as fast as possible, so you can go." Abby said as she opened up a new template.

Tony nodded. "Please."

"Skin color?" Abby asked.

"He was white."

"Face shape?" She asked.

"Kind of square, I guess, I'm not really sure how to describe it."

"Okay." Abby said as she clicked her mouse. "That?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"Hair color?" Abby asked.

"Kind of light blond." He said.

"How long?" She asked.

"About as long as mine." Tony said.

"How's that?" Abby asked as she changed the length of the hair.

"Good." Tony said.

"Okay, what did his eyebrows look like?" Abby asked.

"They kind of pointed up, and then down at the ends." Tony said.

"And his eyes?"

"They looked kind of square, but they weren't like the other guys, they looked, softer…" Tony told her.

Abby changed the eyes. "Like that?"

"Yeah."

"What color were they?" Abby asked.

"Blue." He said.

"What about his nose?"

"Round, I guess." Tony said.

"Was there anything different about his mouth?" Abby asked.

"No."

"Okay, identifying marks?" Abby asked.

"A birthmark on the right side of his neck, and up his chin." He said.

Abby added a birthmark. "Like that?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright." She said as she hit the print button again.

The printer gurgled for a moment before printing the page.

"Okay, I'll get these up to Gibbs." Abby said. She took the photos out of the printer and lead Tony and Ziva back into the lab.

"Can I hug you again?" Abby asked.

Tony nodded and opened his arms to Abby. She walked into his arms and rested her head on his chest. "I love you Tony."

Tony smiled. "I love you too Abs." He said as he kissed the top of her head.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Nine**_

Tony and Ziva walked through the apartment door and Tony kicked off his shoes. He sat down on the couch. Ziva closed the door and locked it before sitting down with Tony. He curled his legs under him and leaned into Ziva. She wrapped her arms around him.

"Can I ask you something?" Tony asked suddenly.

Ziva looked down at him. So far she had been the one asking the questions. He could ask anything.

"Yes." Ziva said.

"After Somalia, you got checked out right? Like you went to a doctor and everything?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded, even though she was behind Tony. "Yes." She said shortly.

"Was everything okay? You don't have to tell me, I just… wondered." Tony said.

"I am not sure what you mean by okay?" Ziva said.

"I don't know, just, were you okay, health wise?" He asked.

"Kind of." She said.

"Kind of?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "There were some things that were not okay." She said.

Tony turned to look at her, concern written all over his face. "Like what?" He asked. He saw her hesitation and tried to back pedal. "You don't have to tell me." He said.

"No, no, I want to, I am just not sure how to word it." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded silently, waiting for her to arrange her thoughts into sentences.

"What Saleem did… there was… irreparable damage, to my body, not just the scars that you saw in the shower. It was worse than that, and because of it, there is a very good chance that I will not be able to have any children." Ziva told him as tears stung at her eyes.

"I didn't even know you wanted kids." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I always have. I guess I waited too long."

Tony wrapped his arms around Ziva's waist and tilted his head up to kiss her neck softly.

"There are other ways to have kids Ziva." He said.

Ziva nodded. "I know, but ever since I was little, I could just… I don't know, I wanted to have the experience of being pregnant. I have no idea why, but being from my family, I had to push those thoughts aside, and instead of becoming a mother, I became a killer."

"You've done a lot of good Zi." Tony said.

"For other people." Ziva said. "I have never done anything good for myself.

"Bullshit." Tony said, sitting up. He leaned back against the opposite arm of the couch, trying to pull Ziva down do lay on his chest.

"You are too sore Tony." Ziva said.

"Just for a few minutes." Tony said.

"Fine." Ziva said as she laid between his legs, resting her head on his chest.

"You've done plenty of good for yourself Ziva. You came here, you stayed, now you're gonna be a full-time agent, and you're citizen. You got yourself help after Somalia." Tony listed.

Ziva nodded. "I suppose."

"Can I ask you something?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded.

"You said something about scars, a minute ago. I didn't notice any." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. _'Now he's just trying to be polite.'_ She thought.

"They are there, and they are plentiful." Ziva told him

"Let me see?" He asked.

Ziva shook her head. "Not right now Tony."

Tony nodded. "You're beautiful Ziva, you know that right?" He asked.

"Okay." Ziva said quietly.

"I mean it."

"I know." Ziva said.

"But you don't believe it." Tony said.

"No, I do not."

"Why?" Tony pressed.

Because it is not true." Ziva said simply.

"It is." Tony insisted.

Ziva say up. "No, it is not!" She yelled.

"Why?"

Ziva crossed her arms and grabbed the bottom of her shirt, then peeled it up over her head, and threw it across the room as tears spilled down her cheeks. She let him see the scars that he hadn't seen before. Bite marks, cuts, burns, the smell of cigarette smoke still turned her stomach.

Tony's eyes widened and his mouth opened like he was going to say something, but Ziva cut him off before he had the chance.

"Do you see this? Do you see what he did to me? Are you happy now Tony? Is this what you wanted, to see everything, to know that his teeth are permanently etched into my sides, or that his knife sliced at my breasts, just enough so that the cuts could be felt? How about these?" She asked as she brought her hands up to show him the burn scars on the underside of her breasts. "Cigarettes. You cannot tell me that you do not notice these Tony!" She insisted as she sobbed.

Tony sat up. He brought his hand up to wipe the tears off of Ziva's face, but it really didn't do much. They just kept falling.

"Okay, so I see them, but Ziva, it doesn't mean anything to me. Not anything bad at least. It means that, what was it you said? Someone did something terrible to you, but you're gonna be okay? It doesn't mean that I don't love you, and I was telling the truth. I really didn't notice them. All I saw was someone who wanted to help me. And besides, scars do fade eventually." Tony said as he pulled Ziva into a hug. "You're beautiful Ziva. Your body is beautiful, scars and all. You don't have to believe me, just know that I believe it, and I won't ever stop believing it."

Ziva clung to him as she tried to calm herself down. "Do you want to know why I cannot have children?" She asked softly.

Tony tightened his grip on her and began rubbing her back. "Only if you want to tell me."

Ziva sniffled. "I was raped, repeatedly, especially during the first two weeks. Sometimes it was Saleem, other times it was a few of his men… the first time I tried to fight back, and he told me that I would pay for it… he was right. He started using… objects, to rape me…" She trailed off.

"Objects?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "A flashlight, a baton, there were a few times when he just picked up the metal bar that he had beaten me with off the floor and used it." She told him quietly. "By the time I saw a doctor, it was only a few days after we came home, but the damage had been done already."

Tony hugged her tightly, ignoring the pain in his own body when he squeezed.

"I should've been there sooner." He said.

Ziva stiffened, looking up at him. "No. Absolutely not. Do not torture yourself like that, there was absolutely nothing that you could have done, and there was no way you could have known what was going to happen. Do not think like that. Promise me." She told him firmly.

Tony nodded. "I promise." He said simply.

Ziva rested her head back on Tony's chest with a sigh. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"You didn't do anything to be sorry for." Tony said.

"I know but, you… you are going through all of this, and I am sitting here complaining about my problems when I should be trying to help you." Ziva said.

"You are helping me. You're helping me by being here, and by letting me see you like this. I don't like seeing you like this, that's not what I'm saying, but it's kind of comforting to know that someone else kind of knows what's going on in my head without me having to explain it. Because I don't know how." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I really am okay most of the time."

"I believe you."

"Sometimes it gets overwhelming, and I do not know how to handle it, so I get angry, mostly at myself, and I take it out on other people." Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "You can talk to me Ziva."

"I do not just want to dump all of my problems on you." Ziva said.

"Let me help you Zi." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I will try."

"Thank you."

Ziva pushed herself off of Tony's chest and rested her head in her hands, trying to clear her thoughts.

"Can you hand me my shirt?" She asked, surprised to see that it hadn't flown across the room, instead landing behind Tony's head on the back of the couch.

Tony grabbed her shirt and handed it to her.

"Can I just look at you for a few more minutes before you put it back on?" Tony asked.

Ziva wanted to say no, but she hadn't felt like this in a long time. It was comfortable. She nodded and dropped her shirt at her side.

Tony say up and rested a hand on her hip. "Do they still hurt? Can I touch them?" He asked.

"They hurt sometimes. Not often though. You can touch them." Ziva said.

Tony slid his hand from her hip to the raised marks on her side. He leaned closer to inspect them before pressing feather light kisses to each one.

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him." Tony said softly.

Ziva smiled softly. "I know you would." She told him as she ran a hand through his hair.

Tony brought his hands up further, brushing the underside of her breasts. He smiled at his first up close view of them. Well not his first, but the first when they weren't under cover – the first that she didn't mind him taking. His thumbs brushed the burn scars gently as he looked at the ones that were made by knives. There had to be at least twenty of them, maybe more, Ziva wasn't sure – she had never counted.

Tony pressed gentle kisses to the scars, before working his way up Ziva's neck to her mouth. Ziva smiled as he kissed her.

"You're beautiful." Tony said as he pulled away, resting his forehead against Ziva's.

Ziva felt herself blush, something that didn't happen very often, and she decided to go with it.

"Thank you." She said before kissing him again.

She pulled away and Tony laid back down against her with his head on her chest.

"I love you."

Ziva smiled. "I love you too Tony."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tony's head lifted off her chest.

"Thank you for telling me." He said softly.

Ziva nodded. "Thank you for listening."

"Still wanna watch a movie?" Tony asked.

Ziva laughed. "Sure, what do you want to watch?" She asked.

"Do you have Titanic?" Tony asked.

"Really?" Ziva asked.

"It's a good movie." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. "Alright." She said. She walked over to the shelf of movies that Tony insisted on buying her every time she said she hadn't seen the movie he was referencing.

She opened the DVD player and turned on the TV. She put the disc in the machine then grabbed the remote and sat back down on the couch, so Tony could rest against her chest.

"Do you want to put your shirt on?" Tony asked.

Ziva smiled. "No, I am okay."

"Are you sure?"

Ziva nodded. "Watch the movie Tony."

XXXXX

By the time the three-hour movie was over, it was four o'clock in the afternoon and Tony was asleep on Ziva's chest.

He didn't get much sleep the night before, so Ziva grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and tossed it over them and closed her eyes in an attempt to get some rest with him.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Ten**_

"Do you want something to eat?" Ziva asked as she looked at the clock; 7:30.

Tony shook his head. "No, I'm good."

"It was not a question Tony, you have not eaten since this morning." Ziva said.

"I'm not hungry." Tony told her.

"How about a bowl of soup? Just one, you need to eat something." Ziva said.

"I'm really not hungry Zi."

Ziva nodded. "Alright." She said. She sat back down on the couch beside him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Tony flinched, and she dropped her arm.

"I am sorry Tony, I did not mean to scare you." Ziva said.

"You didn't, it's just sore." Tony said.

"I am sorry." Ziva said.

"It's fine."

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "I'm just… thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Ziva asked.

"Everything. Why this happened." Tony said.

"You cannot do that Tony. You are going to make yourself crazy." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "I know, but I can't stop. I don't know how to stop."

"Can I touch you?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. Ziva wrapped her arm around his waist, careful to avoid sore spots and bruises.

"Try and think about something else." Ziva said softly.

Tony shook his head no. "I _can't_." He said as he turned his head toward her, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Ziva bit her lip. She didn't mean to upset her. She brought her leg up onto the couch and put it behind his back, so she could wrap her other arm around him. She started to massage his back gently as she kissed his cheek.

"Talk to me." She said softly.

"I don't know what to say."

Ziva nodded. "Come here." She said as she leaned against the back of the couch. She guided Tony to lay down with her, so he could just lay down and sort out his thoughts for a few moments.

"After my mom died, my dad taught me that men aren't supposed to be vulnerable. They're supposed to be the providers, they're supposed to be able to protect themselves and everyone else."Tony said quietly.

"And feeling like this is embarrassing to you? It is making you question your masculinity?" Ziva asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know. I guess."

"You do not need to be embarrassed around me Tony. You know that right?" Ziva asked.

"Can I ask you something?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

"You still trust me, right? As your partner? And to protect you at work and stuff?" Tony asked.

"Of course I do Tony. Why wouldn't I?" Ziva asked.

"Because I couldn't defend myself." Tony said.

"Tony it is not your fault. It is incredibly difficult to defend yourself when you are grabbed from behind by two men." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "I just, I feel like I shouldn't need you like this. I should be able to work this out by myself. I shouldn't _need_ you to comfort me so much." Tony said.

"Everybody needs comfort Tony. It is nothing to be embarrassed about, and it certainly does not make you less of a man." Ziva said, rubbing his back gently.

"Really?" Tony asked, looking up at her.

Ziva smiled. "Really. Just let me be here for you. It is okay to need someone, and it is okay to let someone support and help you."

Tony rested his head back on Ziva's chest. "Okay. I love you."

Ziva kissed his forehead softly. "I love you too."

"Can we just eat and go to bed? I'm exhausted." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "Sure, what do you want to eat?" Ziva asked.

"That bowl of soup sounds pretty good."

"Alright, are you going to stay here?" Ziva asked as she stood up.

Tony nodded. "I think I'll be okay if I can hear you."

"Alright." Ziva said before walking into the kitchen to prepare their supper.

XXXXX

"Do you want to sleep in my bed or on the couch?" Ziva asked as she put the two bowls in the sink to be washed later.

"I think the bed might be a little better." Tony said.

Ziva walked over to the couch to help him up. Tony wrapped his arm around Ziva's waist to help support himself as she led him down the hall to her bedroom.

"Do you have a side?" Tony asked.

"Left." Ziva told him as she steered him toward the right side of the bed.

Tony sat down on the bed before he eased himself down onto the pillows.

"Do you want me in here?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Please."

Ziva smiled and flicked off the light, then walked back over to the bed and crawled into her side. She covered herself with the comforter and Tony moved closer to him. Ziva opened he arms for him and he rested himself against her body and sighed, content.

"Goodnight." Tony said, already half asleep.

Ziva smiled. "Goodnight Tony. I love you."

She felt Tony smile against her. "I love you too."

XXXXX

Ziva woke up to the sound of the shower running. She opened her eyes. Tony was gone, and it was still dark outside. She looked over at the clock on her nightstand – 2:00 in the morning.

She threw the comforter off her body and walked out into the hallway. The bathroom door was closed. She walked toward it and opened it slowly. Tony's clothes were in a pile on the floor.

"Tony? Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

No response.

She walked over to the shower and pulled the door open. Tony was standing in the shower, leaning back against the wall, holding his penis in one hand and a wash cloth in the other, scrubbing himself almost violently.

Still fully clothed, Ziva stepped into the shower and closed the door behind her.

"Tony, what are you doing?" She asked.

Tony kept scrubbing.

Ziva reached out and put her hands on his arms gently to stop him. He shrugged her off.

"Tony, look at me." Ziva said slowly.

Tony didn't pay any attention.

Ziva moved to stand in front of him, underneath the shower head, and the water that hit her back was almost scalding. She blindly reached behind herself to turn the tap toward the cold side.

"Tony they are gone. They are not on you anymore. You cannot scrub them away. I understand that you feel you need to, but it will not work. It will not help you, all it will do is hurt you." Ziva said as she reached for his hands again.

Ziva wrapped his fingers around the hand holding the wash cloth and pulled it away from him gently. He let her take his hand and take the wash cloth from him. She hung the cloth on the rack attached to the door. She brought her hand back to unwrap his left hand from around his penis.

"Sit." She said, nodding toward the bench along the back wall.

Tony did as he was told, and Ziva sat down next to him.

"What happened?" She asked, stroking Tony's palms with her thumbs.

He shrugged.

"Was it a dream?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Tony shook his head no.

"Alright. Do you want to go back to bed?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded again.

"Okay." Ziva said. She stood up and turned off the water.

Tony stood up and opened the shower door, then stepped out.

Ziva stepped out after him. "Did you get a towel?"

Tony shook his head no.

Ziva stepped into the hallway and grabbed two towels out of the closet and handed one to Tony. She peeled her wet clothes off and dried herself off quickly. By the time she was done, Tony hadn't even started to dry himself off.

"Tony?" She asked gently. She didn't want to touch him, in case she startles him.

Tony shook his head silently and held the towel out to her.

She took the towel from him.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

Ziva observed his face for a moment. She should feel honored that he trusted her enough to do this for him right now, but instead all it did was make her worry.

She dried him off as thoroughly as she could and reached for his clothes, so she could help him into them.

"I don't want them." He said quietly.

Ziva stood up to look him in the eye. "Would something else be more comfortable?"

"It's too tight in bed. They were hurting me." He said, looking away from her.

"Okay, so you won't sleep in anything." Ziva said simply.

She took his hand and led Tony back to the bedroom. Tony laid back down on the bed and covered himself up quickly. Ziva didn't think she had ever seen him with the look of shame that was on his face right now. She thought he was ashamed because he felt vulnerable being naked and bruised. She knew what that felt like.

"I am just going to shut off the bathroom light, alright?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva walked down the hall to the bathroom and flipped the light switch into the off position.

When she walked back into the bedroom, Tony had himself covered up with the comforter, all the way up to his neck, and he was staring up at the ceiling.

Ziva walked over to the dresser and opened the drawer that held all of her comfortable clothes for sleeping, but ultimately decided against clothes, hoping it would help Tony if she made herself as vulnerable as he felt.

She dropped the towel that was wrapped around her body and walked toward the bed. Tony's eyes went wide.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Getting into bed." Ziva said simply.

"Without clothes?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded and turned to look at him. The shame on his face had been replaced with fear, and Ziva knew she had made a mistake.

"I can put clothes on if you like Tony." Ziva said.

"You will?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "Of course, if you want me to. I just thought that if I was also naked maybe you would not feel so embarrassed."

Tony nodded, tying to process what she was telling him. "So, you weren't going to… you don't want…" He trailed off.

"Want what Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Sex." Tony mumbled.

"What did I tell you earlier Tony?" She asked seriously.

"That you're not ready, and you'll wait until I am." Tony said quietly, shame creeping back into his features.

Ziva nodded. "And I meant it." She said as she walked back toward the dresser.

"Wait." Tony said.

She turned back.

"It's okay. I don't mind." He told her.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

Ziva walked back over to the bed and sat down. "I am sorry I scared you. That was not my intention."

Tony nodded. "I know. It's okay. I don't think I was really even scared. I just didn't want to, I don't know, disappoint you, I guess."

"Disappoint me?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, if that was what you wanted, and I said no, I didn't want to disappoint you."

Ziva sighed. "There are two things I need you to understand about me, right now, okay?" She said.

Tony looked up at her, listening intently.

"I know how you feel right now. Maybe not exactly, but I understand what it is like to be terrified of something you enjoy. It is horrible, and it takes a very, very long time to get back to a place where it is not scary anymore. I do not want sex from you until we are both at that place, alright?" Ziva said.

"Okay." Tony said. "What's the second thing?"

"It is important to me that you _want_ to have sex, if we ever get there. And you will not ever disappoint me by saying no. If you do not want to do something, you have every right to say no, and everything will stop, no questions asked." Ziva told him firmly.

Tony nodded. "Alright."

Ziva pushed her legs under the comforter and laid down on her side, facing Tony.

"I love you, and I want you to be happy, and I want you to feel safe with me no matter what." Ziva said, kissing his cheek gently.

"I do feel safe with you Ziva, and I am happy."

Ziva smiled softly. "I am glad. Do you want to try and get some more sleep?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

Ziva reached over and turned off he lamp on her bed side table. She laid down and Tony slid closer to her. She wrapped her arms around him, and he tossed his arm over her torso.

"Goodnight Zi." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. "I love you."

Tony lifted his head to kiss the corner of her mouth. "I love you too."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Eleven**_

When Ziva's eyes opened again, she was laying on her stomach and Tony's hands were moving over her back slowly. She turned her head over to look at him. He was sitting up, cross-legged with part of the comforter over his lap.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked.

"A few hours." Tony told her.

"Is everything okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "You were having a nightmare."

"I was?"

"Yeah." Tony said. "It must have been pretty bad. You were screaming."

"I do not even remember." Ziva told him. "I am sorry I woke you."

"I figured you needed some more rest, you were fine after I started talking to you and rubbing your back." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

Tony smiled and laid back down beside her. "Anytime. You know, your back is gorgeous." He said.

Ziva laughed. "That is the first time anyone has ever told me that."

"Well it shouldn't be, it's true." Tony said.

Ziva moved closer to him, pushing her chest off the bed. "Can I kiss you?" She asked.

Tony nodded. Ziva smiled and pressed her lips against his gently.

"How do you feel?" Ziva asked. She sat up against the headboard and Tony moved closer to her side, snuggling up to her. She wrapped her arms around him and he laid his head on her chest.

"Sore." He told her.

Ziva nodded. "Can I take a look at the bruises on your back?" She asked.

Tony nodded and sat forward so she could see.

"They look better than they did yesterday, I think the aloe helped. I could do it again later today if you like?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "That would be good." He said. He laid back down against her.

"Can we talk about what happened last night? In the shower?" Ziva asked.

Tony looked away from her.

"I'd rather not." He said.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

"Do I look okay to you Ziva?" Tony asked.

"That is not what I meant Tony. The water when I got in the shower that night was almost scalding. I am surprised you do not have burns. And the way you were scrubbing yourself, did you hurt yourself? I mean, are, is your… is your penis okay?" She asked brokenly. That was a very strange question to ask.

Tony shrugged. "I guess. I haven't really thought about it. I woke up earlier and you were screaming, I wasn't thinking about me."

Ziva rubbed his back softly. "Can I look."

Tony tensed up. "It's probably fine, but you can look if you want."

"I will not do anything, I just want to make sure, alright? And I will only look if it is okay with you. I will not touch you." Ziva told him.

"You can touch me. I trust you." Tony told her.

Ziva lifted the blanket so she could look underneath. She looked up at Tony, who's eyes were squeezed shut.

"I will not touch you there Tony." She said, taking his hands softly instead.

Tony let out a sigh of relief and his eyes opened. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do, it's just…"

Ziva squeezed his hands gently. "You are not ready. It is fine Tony, no big deal." She told him as she glanced down at his penis. She was shocked – it was bright red, and looked painful, but there were no open wounds or burns, so it wasn't a major health hazard.

"It's not sexual, and it's just you." He said.

She could tell he was getting frustrated with himself. She looked up at him again, and his eyes were tightly closed.

"Open your eyes Tony, look at me." She said softly.

Tony's eyes opened.

Ziva smiled softy. "I am done looking." She told him.

Tony looked down, and then back up at her.

"Does it hurt?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "No more than the rest of me."

"Alright." Ziva said as she laid back against the headboard once again.

Tony laid back down with her and she wrapped her arms around him.

"Do not do that again." She told him.

"Do what?" Tony asked.

"What you did last night. Do not just get up and leave, especially if you are going to do something like that. Do not hurt yourself – wake me up, talk to me, scream at me if you need to, just do not leave if you are going to do something stupid." Ziva told him firmly.

"You're gonna get sick of me and my complaining eventually." Tony said quietly.

"No, I am not!" Ziva yelled. "Tony if I did not want to be around you, if I did not want to help you, I would never have volunteered to stay with you, and I certainly never would have brought you to my home!"

Tony tensed when she yelled, and Ziva forced herself to relax.

"I'm sorry." Tony whispered.

Ziva brought her hand up to run through his hair. "You do not have to be sorry Tony. I am sorry I yelled. I just do not understand why you do not understand that all I want to do is help you. I am not going to judge you, and I am not going to get annoyed if you want to talk to me." Ziva told him softly.

Tony nodded. "Alright."

Ziva kissed his forehead softly. "I love you Tony, so much more than you know." She told him.

"I love you too. What time is your appointment?" Tony asked.

"Eleven."

"We better get moving then." He said.

"What time is it?" Ziva asked.

"Nine." Tony said.

Ziva groaned.

Tony laughed lightly. "Yeah, I know the feeling, but if you want time to eat, we gotta go."

Ziva sat up and swung her legs off of the edge of the bed and stood up. "Are you going to come with me?" She asked as she opened her dresser drawers to pull out her clothes.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Tony asked.

Ziva turned to look at him. "I would not have asked if I did not want you to come Tony. Are you going to be okay in the waiting room for an hour?"

Tony shrugged. "I hadn't really thought about it."

Ziva nodded. "You can always come in and get me if you need to. There are only three doors that leave the waiting room. One goes to a file room, the second into the hallway, and the last one into the office." She told him.

Tony nodded. "Alright."

"I will go get you some clothes." Ziva said.

"Thank you." Tony said.

Ziva walked down the hallway to the living room and unzipped Tony's bag. She grabbed a pair of his underwear, sweatpants, and his Ohio State hoodie off the back of the couch.

"Do you need help?" Ziva asked.

Tony shrugged. "Maybe." He said as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

Ziva watched as he tried to get his underwear around his ankles. He tried for a few minutes before conceding and holding them out to her.

"Please." He said quietly.

Ziva took the underwear from him silently and crouched beside him. She got his legs into the appropriate leg holes and pulled them up to his knees. He stood up so she could ease them up onto his hips.

"Can you do the pants too?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded and took the folded pants off the bed. "Sit."

Tony sat and Ziva worked the sweats over his ankles and up.

"Thanks." Tony said.

"Can you do the hoodie?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "I think so." He said hopefully.

Ziva handed him the hoodie and he tossed it over his head gently. He worked his head through the head hole and squirmed for a few moments while attempting to get his arms into the sleeves.

"Okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded.

Ziva took Tony's hand and led him to the living room. "Do you want something to eat?" She asked.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "Alright. But you have to eat something after my appointment, okay?"

Tony nodded.

Ziva stepped closer to him. She brought her hand up to rest on his uninjured cheek and tilted his head up, so she could look into his eyes.

"What is it Tony?" She asked softly.

Tony shrugged. "I don't really know."

"What can I do?" Ziva asked.

"Does it sound dumb if I just say, 'protect me'?" Tony asked.

Ziva shook her head. "Of course not." She said as she led him to sit down on the couch. "You are scared of going to a place you are not familiar with?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "I guess."

Ziva brought her hand up to run through his hair softly. "Look at me Tony."

Tony looked up at her.

"I will not let anything happen to you." She promised him.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Ziva laid back against the arm of the couch, inviting Tony to lay with her. He laid down facing her. She rested her hand on his hip.

"It is okay to be scared." She said softly. "Even of little things, loud noises, sudden movements, I know people walking behind me made me anxious. It still does, actually. But if you ever feel scared, even just a little bit, all you have to do is squeeze my hand, and we can figure something out to help you, okay?"

Tony nodded. "I can do that."

"And you know you can always come get me if you need something, right?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded. "Yes."

"Good."

They laid in silence for a few minutes before Tony spoke.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked.

Ziva smiled a bit, nodding. "Yes."

Tony smiled and brought his hand up to cup her cheek gently as he pressed his lips against hers. It was longer than other kisses they had shared, like Tony was trying to tell her how much he loved her without having to say anything, and Ziva understood perfectly.

She pulled away a moment later, smiling brightly.

"I love you."

Tony smiled. "I love you too."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Twelve**_

"We can still go back to my apartment, Tony." Ziva said as she put her car in park outside of the therapist's office.

Tony shook his head. "I'll be fine."

Ziva got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to help Tony out. He shut the door behind him and took a deep breath.

"Let's go." He said, reaching for Ziva's hand.

As they walked through the parking lot, Ziva kept a close watch over Tony's behaviour. He was looking down, trying to hide his face from anyone who might see him – he didn't want them to see the bruises – but he was also trying to look straight ahead – trying to seem braver than he felt.

Ziva pulled the building door open and Tony walked inside quickly.

She led him down the hallway to the elevators and hit the call button. The doors slid open and she hit the '3' button. A few seconds later, the doors slid open to reveal the third-floor hallway. Ziva led Tony down the hall, to a glass door with:

Lillian Woods – Psychotherapy

stenciled on it.

Ziva pushed the door open and they walked into the waiting room. Immediately, Tony headed to a chair in the corner where he could see the entire room, and all three doors.

Ziva walked up to the desk to be signed in.

The girl behind the desk looked up from her computer. "Good morning Ziva." She said as she handed her the clipboard with the sign in sheet.

Ziva smiled. "Good morning." She said. She scribbled her name on the sheet and handed Jenna the clipboard.

"Lillian will be with you in a moment."

Ziva nodded. "Thank you."

Ziva walked over to Tony and sat in the chair next to him. His hand reached for hers immediately. She took it and turned it over, rubbing his palm gently.

The office door opened, and a small red-haired woman stepped out. "Are you ready Ziva?"

Ziva looked up at Tony. His eyes were wide, and he was starting to shake.

"Are you going to be okay out here?" She asked.

Tony nodded slowly. "I'll be fine."

Ziva didn't quite believe him, but she stood up anyway. "I will be right through that door. If you need me, come and get me." She told him firmly.

Tony nodded silently and fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him.

Ziva followed Lillian into the office and sat down on the loveseat across from her desk.

"So how have you been Ziva?" Lillian asked as she sat back in her chair.

"Good." Ziva told her simply. She couldn't stop thinking about Tony. Would he actually come in and get her if he needed something? What if something happened and he decided to run? Would he do that?

Ziva felt a hand on her arm, snapping her out of her thoughts and she looked up at Lillian.

"Are you okay, Ziva?" She asked.

Ziva nodded. "I am sorry, I was… lost in thought… I am fine." She said.

"What were you thinking about?" Lillian asked.

Ziva shrugged.

"Were you thinking about the man in the waiting room?"

Ziva nodded slowly.

"Who is he?" Lillian asked.

"Tony."

"That's Tony?" She asked.

Ziva nodded.

"Obviously you told him you were coming here." Lillian stated.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

"So, you told him what happened?"

Ziva nodded again. "He knows everything." She told her.

Lillian leaned back against the back of her chair. "What made you decide to tell him?"

Ziva bit her lip. She didn't want to disrespect Tony's privacy.

"Something… something happened to him, and he needed to know that he was not alone." Ziva said.

Lillian nodded, understanding. "That doesn't explain why you brought him here."

"He has been staying at my apartment for the last few days, since it happened. He does not want to be alone. He is scared, and he trusts me." Ziva told her.

Lillian nodded. "That puts a lot of pressure on you, doesn't it?"

Ziva shook her head. "Not in the way that you would think. I do not mind having him there. I told him how I felt about him." Ziva told her. "Actually, it kind of slipped out, I said it when he was falling asleep, it was not even in English."

"And I'm assuming the feeling was mutual." Lillian said.

Ziva nodded, smiling slightly.

"Do you think that's a good idea? Starting a relationship so soon after his experience?" Lillian asked.

Ziva nodded. "I do. I have known Tony for a very long time, and there is no one I would trust more to be in a relationship with. Ever." She told her firmly.

Lillian smiled. "That's good, Ziva."

Ziva looked up at her. "It is?" She asked.

Lillian nodded. "You didn't question yourself. That tells me that you're starting to trust yourself again. I couldn't say that about you, even two or three months ago. I'm impressed."

Ziva smiled a bit. "I trust him."

Lillian smiled. "Another big step."

Ziva nodded.

There was a knock on the door, and her head snapped toward the sound. The door opened, and Tony walked in, visibly shaking.

"Sorry to interrupt." He mumbled.

Ziva held her hand out to him. "Come sit." She said softly.

Tony took her hand and sat down beside her. She slid closer to him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"What happened?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I… I don't know, I just…" He trailed off.

Ziva could feel his breathing speed up as she rubbed his back.

"Everything is okay Tony." She said softly. "Take some deep breaths."

Tony nodded and tried to slow his breathing. Ziva sat in silence for a few minutes, watching Tony carefully. He relaxed against her finally and looked up at her.

"Would you like some water, Tony?" Lillian asked from across the room.

Tony nodded. "Please." He said quietly.

Lillian stood up and took a bottle out of the small fridge in the office. She handed it to him.

"Thank you." Tony said.

Lillian smiled. "You're welcome. I'll give you two a minute." She said before stepping out of the office.

Tony took a sip of water.

"Do you want to go home?" Ziva asked.

Tony shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me." Ziva told him.

"You need to be here." Tony said.

Ziva kissed his forehead softly. "I love you for trying to help me, Tony, but it is okay to think about yourself too. I am not the only one who needs to feel comfortable right now." She said.

Tony nodded. "I know." He mumbled. "But this is important."

Ziva nodded. "Would you like to stay in here with me?" She asked.

Tony looked up at her. "Can I?"

Ziva smiled. "Of course you can."

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Tony jumped a bit when Lillian knocked on the office door.

"Everything okay?" She asked, poking her head in.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

Lillian stepped into the office and sat down in her chair again. She looked at Ziva unsurely.

Ziva nodded. "Anything you want to say, you can say." She told her.

Lillian nodded. "We don't have too much time left, but how has your anxiety been?" She asked.

"Under control." Ziva told her.

"Any panic attacks since I saw you last?" Lillian asked.

Ziva shook her head. "No."

"You don't seem to be quite as jumpy as last time. What's changed?" Lillian asked.

Ziva shrugged. "I do not know. There are some times that I feel… overly aware of what is happening around me, but I can usually figure out how to ground myself."

Lillian nodded. "How do you do that?"

Ziva thought for a moment. "I think about what is stable around me, work, my friends… Tony." She said softly.

Tony looked up at her silently. Ziva saw him out of the corner of her eye and tightened her grip on his waist momentarily. He smiled a bit.

"That's a good strategy. How are the nightmares?" Lillian asked.

"Less frequent. Only every few days now. I am sleeping through the night most nights." Ziva told her.

"That's great Ziva. Your brain is finding ways to tell you that you're doing very well. Have you needed the Diphenhydramine at all?" She asked.

"Once or twice, they do not really help anymore. If I take them and I do have a nightmare, I do not wake up from it, so I try to avoid them." Ziva told her.

Lillian nodded. "When you do have nightmares, what do you do after you wake up?" She asked.

Ziva shrugged. "Read, mostly. It usually calms me down enough to get back to sleep for a few hours."

"That's good, you really are making progress, Ziva, you know that right?" Lillian asked.

Ziva sighed. "Most days I do. Then there are some days, when I have nightmares a few days in a row, or I jump when someone walks up behind my desk when I am not expecting it I feel like I am right back where I started." She told her honestly.

Lillian nodded. "When those things happen, I want you to take a minute or two, and let yourself just not be okay for a minute. You're very hard on yourself when something doesn't go the way that it should, or you can't be as tough as you would like to be, and you have to remind yourself that after everything you went through it's okay to take a minute and let yourself feel."

Ziva nodded. "I will try."

Lillian stood up. "Our time is up, but you've come a long way Ziva." She told her. "Ask Jenna to book you in next month, and you can always come sooner if you need to."

Ziva nodded as she stood. "I know. Thank you." She said.

She watched Tony stand up, waiting for her.

"It was nice to meet you, Tony. Ziva's told me great things." Lillian said, extending her hand to him slowly.

Tony nodded and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you too."

Lillian smiled. "Have a good day you two." She said.

Ziva smiled softly. "You too." She said before opening the door for Tony.

Jenna looked up when Ziva stepped into the waiting room.

"Next month?" She asked.

Ziva nodded. "Please."

Jenna clicked her mouse a few times, scrolling through the calendar. "How does the fourteenth at ten o'clock sound?" She asked.

"I can do that." Ziva said.

Jenna nodded. "Okay." She said. She grabbed an appointment card from the stack on her desk and wrote the date and time on it and handed it to Ziva.

"Thank you Jenna." Ziva said, pushing the card into her back pocket.

"Have a nice day." Jenna said before looking back down at her computer.

Ziva took Tony's hand and led him down the hallway to the elevator.

"Home?" She asked.

Tony nodded, squeezing her hand. "Please."


	13. Chapter 13

Okay, this is a bit of a shorter chapter, and I honestly have no idea why, I just couldn't make it flow the way I wanted to, so I decided to tie it up and publish it and move on for now, and figure out a way to fix it later, because I have a bunch of ideas and being stuck staring at this one chapter is making me crazy, and it's making me not even want to open this document, so I have to just move on for now. Try and enjoy it anyway though, I did get most of what I wanted into it.

* * *

 ** _Thirteen_**

Thirty minutes later, Tony was back in Ziva's arms on the couch in her apartment.

"I am glad you listened to me." Ziva said softly.

"I tried to stay out in the waiting room for as long as possible. I didn't want to interrupt." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I would have been perfectly happy if you sat in on the whole session Tony." She told him.

Tony shrugged. "It was a private conversation."

Ziva kissed his forehead softly. "I have no secrets from you anymore, I do not want to have secrets from you anymore."

Tony looked up at her. "I hate that it's the only thing I can think about. And the only topic of conversation I seem to be able to stick to."

Ziva nodded. "That is perfectly understandable Tony, it just happened."

Tony wrapped his arms around Ziva's waist, resting his head on her chest. "And I made you tell me what happened to you… you probably wouldn't have told me if this hadn't happened, and obviously that was for a reason, it scares you, and it's really not any of my business anyway, and I'm sure it makes you uncomfortable every time I bring it up…" Tony rambled.

Ziva rubbed his back gently. "Tony, stop it." She said softly.

He looked up at her.

"Sit up." Ziva told him.

Tony did as he was told. Ziva sat up straight in front of him and reached for his hands.

"You did not make me tell you anything Tony. I chose to tell you, I know I could have said no to you." Ziva told him. "Do you want to know why I didn't?"

Tony nodded silently.

"Because I want you to know me, and I want to help you. Talking about what happened to me does not scare me when I am with you. Maybe it is because you know what it is like, and I absolutely hate that you know this pain, but if I can sit here, and talk to you about what I have been through, and bring you even a little bit of comfort, that is all I want." Ziva said, squeezing his hands.

Tony nodded. "Thank you." He said quietly.

"I meant what I said earlier. You can always come to me if you need to, no matter what I am doing, I will make time for you. And you can ask me anything, I will always tell you the truth, alright?" Ziva asked.

Tony sniffled. "Alright."

She brought her hand up to Tony's uninjured cheek, wiping tears away. "I am so sorry this happened to you." She said softly. "I never wanted to be able to relate to you in this way."

"I love you." Tony said softly.

Ziva smiled. "I love you too."

"Can I ask you something?"

Ziva nodded. "Of course."

Tony looked up at her. "Earlier you said something about finding a therapist after the case with the petty officer who was raped, you said you understood her, and I remember McGee saying that he wouldn't let anyone get away with rape, and he asked you what you would do…" He trailed off.

Ziva nodded. "I remember, what is your question?"

"What happened after you walked out of the squad room? I didn't see you for almost an hour after that." Tony said.

Ziva sighed. "I went to the washroom, I had a panic attack, and I came back out to go to work." She said simply.

"I saw how uncomfortable it made you. You covered it up, but I saw it, for a second before you said something about castration, but I didn't want to assume anything." Tony said.

Ziva shrugged. "He did not mean anything by it."

Tony nodded. "I still ripped him a new one after you left the room."

"Ripped him a new what?" Ziva asked.

Tony laughed lightly. "I yelled at him." He explained.

Ziva nodded. "You did not have to do that."

Tony smiled. "I know I didn't, if we're being honest, I just didn't like that he would even ask you."

Ziva shrugged. "He did not know what Saleem and his men did."

"Neither did I, but I could still gather that you went through something really bad out there." Tony stated.

Ziva nodded. "I decided that I needed help after spending forty-five minutes with my head between my knees in the bathroom trying to breathe properly again."

Tony leaned forward to kiss her forehead softly. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asked.

"I did not want you to see me differently, or be treated like I was fragile, or about to break down." Ziva told him.

"We wouldn't have." Tony said. "I don't now."

Ziva smiled a bit. "I know. I trust you Tony."

Tony held Ziva's hands tightly in his own. "Can I kiss you?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "Whenever you want to."

Tony smiled and rested one hand on Ziva's cheek while the other sat on her waist. She smiled and pressed her lips against his as her hand slid into his hair. Tony wrapped his arm around Ziva's waist, pulling her into his lap as they kissed, both parties trying their best to pour all of the emotion they could into a single kiss. Ziva smiled into the kiss, enjoying how she felt when she was with Tony. She felt like herself again. The Ziva she had been before Saleem – carefree, happy, sexy.

Ziva was the first to pull away, a moment later as she realized that she was on top of Tony. "Your bruises." She stated. "I do not want to hurt you." She said as she pushed herself back onto the couch.

Tony smiled, reaching for her hand again. "That was some kiss David."

Ziva looked up at him. "It was too much?" She asked.

Tony shook his head. "Not even a little bit Zi, I promise." He told her.

Ziva laid back against the arm of the couch again and opened her arms to Tony. He gladly laid down with her, resting his head on her chest.

"I like kissing you." She told him. "It feels… good. Not in a sexual way, I mean it could be in a sexual way someday, not today, definitely not today, don't worry about that, I just mean, it is comforting. I like knowing that you're here, and I feel safe with you."

Tony nodded. "You were right the first time, it does feel good. Comforting." He confirmed.

Ziva smiled, running her hands over his back gently. "When Gibbs called me to tell me to come to the hospital for you…" She started before trailing off quietly.

Tony looked up at her. "Yeah?" He asked.

Ziva sighed. "I was so scared." She said simply. "I did not know what happened, or if you were alright. I did not want to lose you. I over reacted." She felt Tony's grip on her waist tighten a bit.

"I wanted you." Tony told her. "I didn't tell Gibbs that, but you were the one that I wanted."

Ziva smiled softly. "It took me six minutes to get from here to the hospital."

Tony laughed. "How fast were you going?"

"Faster than I should have been." She said.

Tony smiled and stretched his neck up to kiss her jaw softly. "I'm glad you came."

Ziva kissed his forehead. "So am I."


	14. Chapter 14

**And another chapter! I'm trying so hard to push through this writer's block and it's actually so much harder than I remember, but I wanted to post this chapter because I did write it, and it is not my worst piece, I take pride in all of the work I put out there, so enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **Fourteen**_

Ziva tapped Tony's shoulder lightly. "Let me make you something to eat." She said.

Tony sighed. "I don't really wanna eat Zi." He told her. "I just don't feel like it."

Ziva looked down at him, concern all over her face. "You have to eat, Tony." She said softly.

Tony shrugged, staying silent.

Ziva brought her hand up to run through his hair. "Why don't you want to eat?" She asked.

Tony didn't respond.

Ziva watched him carefully. She hated that Tony was going through this, it physically hurt her to see him in so much pain. She kissed his forehead softly.

"Let me help you Tony." She urged.

Tony looked up at her. "Can you just rub some aloe onto the bruises?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "Of course I can. But you have to promise me you will eat something after, understood?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Alright."

"Let me go get the aloe." Ziva said.

Tony sat up long enough for her to get off the couch before he took off his shirt carefully and laid down on his stomach.

Ziva walked down the hall to the bathroom quickly to take the aloe off of its shelf. She grabbed the towel she had used to dry off the night before and returned to Tony. She sat down on the edge of the coffee table.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva squeezed some of the gel onto her hands and rubbed them together, warming them up a little.

"They look a bit better. Not quite as dark." Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "That's good."

"I'm going to touch you now, alright?" Ziva asked.

She watched as Tony tensed up and tried to force himself to relax before opening his eyes to look at her. "Yes." He said quietly.

Ziva nodded and began running her fingertips over the bruise in the middle of his back. She worked the aloe into it for a moment before sliding her hands up to the bruises on his neck and shoulders.

"I don't want to be scared to have you touch me." Tony said suddenly.

Ziva nodded and kept rubbing gently. "What do you mean?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know, I guess… I just know with rape victims sometimes skin to skin con…" He trailed off.

Ziva stopped what she was doing. "Tony?" She asked.

Tony felt tears stinging at his eyes and Ziva watched as he started to shake. She moved off of the coffee table to sit down on the floor beside Tony's head on the couch.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

The tears in his eyes spilled over. "That… that's the first time I've said it since the hospital… I was… I was raped. I'm a rape victim." He whispered.

Ziva nodded silently. She wiped the aloe on her hands off on the towel before running her hand through Tony's hair. She kissed his forehead softly. He laid on the couch for a moment, silent before he broke into loud, heart-wrenching sobs in front of Ziva.

Ziva felt her own tears rolling down her cheeks as she managed to situate herself back on the couch, holding Tony against her tightly as he cried. She sat with him, running her hand through his hair and wiping her own tears away occasionally as she whispered – nothing in particular – to him.

They could both feel Tony's breathing inch nearer and nearer to hyperventilating. Tony couldn't make himself calm down. Ziva wiped a fresh stream of tears from her cheeks as she started to sing to him, words that she had known growing up.

Tony tried to take deep breaths as he heard Ziva start to sing. He tried to focus on the sound of her voice, and the words she was saying, even if it was Hebrew. He strained to listen to her words. Ziva noticed Tony's body starting to relax as she sang, and after fifteen more minutes of random songs and blessings, Tony's breathing had calmed down and he was relaxed against her body.

Tony opened his mouth to say something, and Ziva cut him off.

"Not yet, it is okay." She told him softly. "Just rest. Breathe and let your body and mind calm down."

Tony nodded silently and laid his head back down. His eyes closed, and he let himself relax, breathing in the scent that could only be described as Ziva.

Ziva kissed his forehead softly as she ran her hands over his back.

"What were you singing?" Tony asked.

Ziva smiled slightly. "My mother used to sing to me when I was little. I did not even know I knew the words until I started singing." She told him.

Tony smiled. "You have a beautiful voice."

"Thank you."

Tony nodded silently.

Ziva looked down at him, looking for changes in his facial expressions.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ziva asked.

Tony sighed. "I'm a rape victim." He whispered.

Ziva ran her hand through his hair. "You are a rape survivor Tony. You survived, that is what matters most."

Tony nodded. "I said the same thing to so many people in Baltimore, and here actually… and now I really don't know if I was helping or hurting them."

"I think that you were trying to do your best to provide some comfort to them, and that is what would have helped them most." Ziva said quietly.

"Maybe."

"What were you going to say when I was rubbing your back?" Ziva asked. "You said you did not want to be scared of having me touch you."

Tony nodded. "I just know that sometimes rape victims don't want to be touched, and they kind of detach themselves from their bodies, and I don't want that to happen, and I know that sometimes skin to skin contact helps ground people."

Ziva nodded. "I can do that if you are comfortable with it."

Tony wrapped his arm around Ziva's waist. "Thank you."

"You do not have to push yourself though Tony. It is okay to take some time and be scared." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "I know that, I just don't want to be scared of you, I know I don't have to be, and I want to keep it that way."

"Okay, but you are in complete control. I will not do anything you are not comfortable with." Ziva said.

Tony looked up at her, smiling a bit. "I know you won't. I trust you."

Ziva smiled and kissed his forehead. "Okay."

"Can you try the aloe again please?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "Of course."

Tony sat up long enough to free Ziva's arm from underneath him, and he laid back down. Ziva sat back on the corner of the coffee table and squeezed some aloe into the palm of her hand. She rubbed her hands together to warm it up before going back to work on Tony's shoulders and neck.

Tony laid quietly, wincing when Ziva touched the bruise on the back of his neck.

"This one still hurts more than the others?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

"How do your legs and your hips feel?" Ziva asked.

Toy shrugged. "Not too bad, the thighs hurt more than my calves." He told her.

Ziva nodded. "That is understandable."

Tony sighed. "How does my face look?" Tony asked.

"Like it hurts." Ziva told him. "At least you can open both of your eyes today."

Tony looked up at her from his spot on the couch. "The headache is going down a bit too."

Ziva looked away from the bruise she was working on. She smiled when she saw Tony watching her. "I love your eyes." She told him. "They are very expressive."

Tony smiled a bit. "So are yours."

Ziva smiled. "Do you want the aloe on your legs and your chest too?" She asked.

Tony thought for a moment. "Yeah, it's probably a good idea."

Ziva nodded. "Okay, just wait for your back to dry for a minute. I'd like to keep this couch presentable, for a little bit longer than the last one. Please don't kill someone and make me blow it up." She joked lightly.

Tony laughed a bit. "I'll do my best."

Ziva shook her head. "I cannot believe I just made that joke."

Tony laughed. "It helps doesn't it?"

Ziva nodded. "Yes, it does."

Tony smiled softly and sat up. "Do you think I'm dry enough for your couch?"

Ziva laughed and reached out to feel his back. "You are dry."

Tony winced when he laid down on his back.

"Are you okay?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded slowly. "I think so. It just hurts to put pressure on them."

Ziva nodded. "Of course. Are you ready for me to do your chest?" she asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva picked up the aloe bottle and squeezed some of the gel into her hands. "Where does it hurt most?"

Tony laid quietly for a moment. "I guess my shoulders."

"Can I sit beside you?" Ziva asked.

Tony nodded and slid over as much as he could.

Ziva sat down on the edge of the couch beside him. "Look at me." She said softly.

Tony's eyes opened, and he looked up at her.

Ziva smiled softly and held her hands up. "It's just me." She said softly.

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Ziva smiled softly and pressed her fingertips to his shoulders lightly, working her way over the bruises. Tony watched the concentrated look on her face. She was trying to be quick, but she also looked terrified of hurting him or pressing too hard.

Ziva worked her way down Tony's chest to the bruises just above his hips.

"Can I do your hips?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva slowly worked her way under the waistband of his sweatpants, careful not to go too far or press too hard on the bruises.

"I don't think I've ever said it, but I'm sorry." Tony said as he watched Ziva.

Ziva's head snapped up. "For what, Tony? You have not done anything wrong." She told him firmly.

'

Tony smiled a bit. "I didn't do anything wrong, but I did break a promise."

Ziva replaced the waistband of Tony's pants and grabbed the towel to wipe her hands on once again. "What promise did you break? To who?" She asked.

"To you." Tony told her.

"What promise did you break to me?" Ziva asked.

"I missed your naturalization ceremony." Tony said.

Ziva laughed lightly. "That's it?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "It was important to you."

Ziva leaned down to kiss him softly. "You were doing something important too. I understood."

Tony rested one hand on Ziva's side. "I wanted to be there." He told her.

Ziva smiled. "And here I thought the government was crazy for letting me in." She said, laughing lightly.

"You know I was just joking right?" Tony asked softly.

Ziva nodded. "I know Tony."

Tony smiled a bit, rubbing small circles on her hip with his thumb. "Okay, good."

"Can I make you something to eat now?" Ziva asked.

Tony sighed. "You're not going to stop asking until I say yes are you?" He asked.

Ziva rested her hand on his chest, watching his expression closely. "Why don't you want to eat?" She asked softly.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know… I just don't feel like it." He told her.

"At the risk of sounding like a therapist, can I tell you something?" Ziva asked as she laid down beside Tony.

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Ziva propped herself up on her elbow and rested her head in her hand and ran her other hand over Tony's chest lightly.

"I think that you are still in shock, from what happened to you, which is perfectly understandable, but you still have to make sure that your body stays healthy while you heal, because it will make healing your mind much easier." Ziva told him softly.

Tony looked up at her. "Does it though?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "It really does Tony." She said softly. "I know it feels like something small, that really does not mean much right now, but if you let yourself ignore your body's basic needs, you're going to start doing the same thing in your head, and your mental health is going to go down the pipe." She told him.

"Down the drain." Tony corrected, smiling a little.

Ziva chuckled lightly. "Down the drain." She repeated. "But does that make sense?" She asked.

Tony sighed. "I guess it does. I know it does, I just… I don't know how to explain it. Like I know I should take care of myself, I just don't really want to."

Ziva ran her hand across his chest to meet his hand. She tangled their fingers together and kissed his forehead.

"I want to." She told him. "I want to help you, however you need me to, whether it is rubbing your back, or reminding you to eat, or holding you after a nightmare. I want to be here with you Tony. For you."

"Okay." Tony said. He raised his free hand to wipe tears from his eyes. "I feel kind of pathetic." He told Ziva. "I've done more crying in the past two days than I did in the entire decade before this."

Ziva smiled softly. "It is okay to cry Tony. It is very therapeutic."

Tony nodded, sniffling. "Okay." He took a deep breath, trying to center himself. "I'm okay."

Ziva squeezed his hand. "I love you Tony, that is why I'm here. Nothing you could do, or say, or go through is going to change that. I will always be here." She said softly, hoping to offer even a sliver of comfort to him.

"I know you will. And I will too, for you I mean. I love you too." Tony said softly.

Ziva smiled. "What do you want to eat? I think I have a few bagels if you want one."

Tony nodded. "Bagels sound good."

Ziva's smile grew a bit bigger. "Toasted?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "With cream cheese please."

Ziva slid off the couch and stood up straight. "I will be right back." She said before walking into the kitchen to prepare the bagels.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Fifteen**_

Three days and countless nightmares later, Tony and Ziva were jolted awake when Ziva's cell phone rang.

Ziva sat bolt upright and looked over at Tony, who looked a bit surprised, but not quite scared. She reached out to run her hand over his shoulder while her other hand reached for the phone.

She picked it up and looked at the caller ID.

"McGee." She told Tony.

Tony rolled his eyes. "It's seven in the morning! And we barely slept!"

Ziva nodded. "I know." She said as she flipped open her phone. "Is everything alright McGee?"

"We just thought you should know that we got a match on one of the DNA samples from Tony's SANE kit." McGee told her.

"Who?" Ziva asked, squeezing Tony's hand.

"Petty Officer Second Class Ethan Marshall." McGee said.

Ziva lowered her voice. "It was a sailor?"

"One of them was at least." McGee confirmed.

"What color is his hair?" Tony asked.

"Did you hear that McGee?" Ziva asked.

McGee nodded. "Blonde hair, blue eyes, birthmark on the neck and jaw."

Ziva turned to look at Tony. "Blonde, he has the birthmark."

Tony took a deep breath. "What about the other one? The one with brown hair, he was the one who…" Tony trailed off.

"Any news about the other attacker McGee?" Ziva asked.

"Nothing yet, sorry Ziva." McGee said. "Listen, uh, we're on our way to pick Marshall up now, we thought maybe you would want to be there when we did."

Ziva bit her lip, thinking for a moment as she watched Tony. He was sitting up against the headboard of the bed with his knees pulled up to his chest. One arm was wrapped around his legs and the other held Ziva's hand tightly.

Ziva shook her head. "Call me when you find the other one. I want in on that one." She told McGee firmly.

McGee nodded. "Will do. Also, we might need Tony to come in to ID them once we get them both in here."

Ziva nodded. "We will burn that bridge when we get to it McGee."

"Cross." Tony and McGee said simultaneously.

Ziva chuckled lightly at the surround sound. "Cross." She repeated.

"I'll talk to you later Ziva, and tell Tony we will get both of them." McGee told her.

Ziva nodded. "I will. Be safe."

McGee nodded and hung up the phone.

Ziva closed her phone and put it back on the nightstand. She turned to look at Tony.

"Do you want to know his name?" She asked.

Tony nodded squeezing Ziva's hand tightly. Ziva sat back against the headboard and opened her arms to Tony. He leaned into her gratefully.

"He is a sailor. Petty Officer Second Class Ethan Marshall." Ziva told him. "Gibbs and McGee are on their way to pick him up right now."

Tony nodded. "That's good."

Ziva brought her hand up to run through his hair. "Are you alright?" She asked. She knew it was a stupid question, clearly he wasn't alright, but what else could she really say?

Tony shrugged. "I don't know."

Ziva kissed the top of his head softly. "You are scared." She stated.

Tony nodded. "Marshall was the one who held me down, the other one… the one they haven't caught yet raped me…" He said slowly. "I don't feel safe with him still out there."

Ziva nodded. "That is perfectly understandable Tony." She told him. "But I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to protect you. No one will harm you while I am around."

Tony looked up at her. "You can't promise that."

"I can promise that I will take care of you, to the best of my abilities. Maybe not against everything, but I will protect you." Ziva told him firmly.

Tony nodded silently against her chest. "I want to press charges, but I don't want to have to testify." He told her.

Ziva sighed. "That is your choice Tony, but if you are asked to testify… you are the proof that it happened. Only you have the other side of the story."

Tony nodded. "I know…" He whispered. "Can I ask you something?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "Of course."

"What would you do if you were me?" Tony asked.

Ziva took a deep breath. "I would press charges, and if I was asked, I would testify. I wouldn't want anybody else to get hurt the way I was." She told him honestly.

Tony nodded. "Is it bad that I was hoping you would say you wouldn't testify?"

Ziva smiled softly. "You will have a bit of time to figure things out and get your thoughts together before the trial is even scheduled. And I will be with you the whole time."

"Maybe… I don't know. I know what I should do, but…"

Ziva nodded. "It's alright Tony. You don't have to decide now."

Tony looked up at her. "Thank you." He said softly.

Ziva kissed him softly. "You do not have to thank me. I want to be here."

Tony smiled. "You know, I was planning on asking you to go on a date with me before all of this happened… I was nervous, but at least now I know you would've said yes."

Ziva smirked, looking down at him. "And how do you know that?"

Tony laughed. "Gee, I don't know, maybe because I'm lying in your bed with you, and you just kissed me… I figured that was a good tip off."

Ziva chuckled. "Fair enough. I definitely would have said yes, by the way." She told him.

Tony kissed her jaw softly. "I'm glad."

Ziva smiled, running her hand along his arm softly. "How are you feeling?"

Tony shrugged. "Sore, sad, scared… Nothing new." He told her.

Ziva nodded. "Do you want breakfast?" She asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Can't really do much else."

XXXXX

Tony handed Ziva her phone when it vibrated on the coffee table.

"It's a text from McGee." She told him, flipping her phone open. She pressed the button to open the message"

'Open your e-mail, need Tony's confirmation on the suspect.'

"Sit up Tony." Ziva said softly.

Tony sat up, watching her reach for her laptop. "What's up?" He asked.

Ziva opened her laptop and logged into her email account. She opened a new e-mail from McGee and a picture that looked like it had been taken through the window between the observation and interrogation rooms, with the message "Gibbs is interrogating him now." Attached to it.

She turned her computer toward Tony. "McGee needs you to look at this photo."

Tony shifted on the couch and tilted the laptop screen, so he could look at the picture.

"That's him." He said.

Ziva held his hand. "Are you sure?"

Tony nodded. "I'm sure."

Ziva squeezed his hand before she picked her phone up to send a text back to McGee.

'Tony says it's him.'

She hit send and closed her phone. She looked back up at Tony, who was still holding the laptop, looking at the picture on the screen.

"Tony." She said softly, reaching out to him.

Tony ignored her.

Ziva moved to sit right beside him. She ran her hand down his back gently. "Talk to me Tony." She said softly.

"I hate this." He whispered.

Ziva reached out and took the laptop off his lap. She exited her e-mail and closed the laptop and put it down on the coffee table. She moved to sit behind Tony, so one leg was on either side of his body. She wrapped her arms around Tony, hugging him from behind. She kissed his neck softly.

"I do too." She told him.

Tony leaned back into her slightly. He rested his hands on top of hers. They had fallen into a sort of routine in the week that Tony had been staying with her. They woke up, Ziva always holding him because of a nightmare - either hers or his, it didn't matter, - they ate something small for breakfast, whatever Ziva could entice Tony to eat, they showered every other day, Ziva helped Tony less and less each day, she was mostly there for his hair washing now, Ziva would rub aloe into Tony's bruises, and they rested on the couch, either watching a movie or talking about the most random things, and they went to bed.

She liked it because it was the first time in a very long time that she had a break. She didn't take one after Vance sent her back to Israel the first time, or after Saleem, and it seemed like this was the straw that broke the camel's back. She was exhausted, and somehow even though she was supposed to be the one taking care of Tony, and helping him, he was helping her just as much.

"Can we do something tomorrow?" Tony asked suddenly.

Ziva nodded. "What did you have in mind?" She asked.

Tony laughed lightly. "You know the food truck on the Navy Yard?"

Ziva nodded again. "Yes."

"Can we go get breakfast burritos tomorrow?" Tony asked.

Ziva smiled. "If you want to, I don't see why not."

Tony smiled. "Alright."

Ziva sat back against the couch, looking at the bruises on Tony's back. "How do these feel?" She asked, running her fingers over them lightly. They had faded from a dark purple to a blue-greenish color.

Tony shrugged. "Not too bad. The neck still hurts the most."

Ziva nodded. "Aloe?" She asked simply.

Tony nodded. "Yes please."

Ziva leaned forward, kissing his shoulder blade lightly. "I will be right back. Get comfy."


	16. Chapter 16

Okay so I thought I would try something a little bit different for this chapter, writing more than just the Tony and Ziva point of view, I'm not quite sure what I think of it, not sure whether I like it or not, so please, tell me what you think! Another shorter chapter, but hopefully quality makes up for length...

* * *

 ** _Sixteen_**

Ziva put the car in park in her normal parking spot outside of NCIS the next morning and took the key out of the ignition. She got out of the car and went around to Tony's side, just in case he needed help. He was definitely getting steadier on his feet, but he wasn't all the way there yet.

She wrapped her arm around his waist and slammed the car door shut. Tony smiled and reached out to hold her hand.

"To the burrito truck!" Tony exclaimed, smiling brightly.

Ziva laughed lightly. "Lead the way."

Tony started toward the front of the building, where the food truck was parked. The crisp air of the morning made the scents coming from the truck even more mouth-watering than normal. Ziva smiled as she followed him, looking at their joined hands as he pulled her toward his favorite food truck. She had learned to appreciate small, joyful moments like this, because the bad always greatly outweighed the good.

Ziva's quick reflexes came in handy a moment later when Tony stopped suddenly in front of the food truck and she narrowly avoided colliding with his back. She stood beside him, looking up at the menu.

"What is in the breakfast burrito?" Ziva asked.

"Egg, cheese, sausage, and onions." Tony told her.

Ziva felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and she took it out to look at the caller ID.

"It's McGee, order me a burrito without sausage please." Ziva said as she stepped away.

She hit talk and held the phone up to her ear. "McGee?" She asked.

"We found him, Max Clemens, we're getting ready to go pick him up now." McGee told her.

"Where?" Ziva asked shortly.

As McGee gave her the coordinates, she could hear Gibbs grabbing his things in the background.

"I'll meet you there." She said before hitting the end call button.

She walked back over to Tony quickly. "I have to go, you get upstairs or go down to Abby's lab. I love you." She said before kissing him on the cheek and running off to get in her car.

Tony stood still for a moment, trying to process what just happened before he grabbed the burritos and headed for the front door. He walked over to the elevator and hit the call button. The doors slid open after a few seconds and closed behind him. They opened again a moment later on the eighth floor and Tony stepped out.

He collided with Gibbs, flanked by McGee as they were rounding the corner.

"What are you doing here?" McGee asked.

"Me and Ziva were down at the food truck getting breakfast." Tony told him.

"Where is she?" Gibbs asked.

Tony shrugged. "She said she had to go, told me to come up here, so I did. She's already gone."

Gibbs looked back at McGee who nodded knowingly.

"She was right, go sit down DiNozzo." Gibbs told him before leading McGee into the elevator.

Tony watched as the elevator doors closed and turned to go sit at his desk.

XXXXX

The elevator doors closed behind them and they stood, waiting impatiently as the elevator sank to the ground floor.

The doors opened and they both broke into a sprint to the parking lot, fearing two things – that Ziva wouldn't find Clemens in the woods, or that she would find him. They didn't know which would end worse.

Gibbs and McGee slammed the car doors shut as they got in. Gibbs shoved the key into the ignition and sped out of the NCIS parking lot.

"You don't think she'd seriously hurt him do you boss?" McGee asked as he watched Gibbs drive.

Gibbs looked over at him. "I think she'll do what she needs to do to protect him."

McGee nodded. "Take this left."

XXXXX

Tony hadn't even been sitting at his desk for five minutes when he heard the elevator ding and looked up to watch Abby and Ducky walking toward him.

Abby sat down on the corner of his desk, while Ducky rolled McGee's chair toward him.

"Hi." Tony said as he unwrapped his burrito.

Abby smiled. "How are you feeling?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "As good as I can I guess."

Abby and Ducky shared a look.

"What are you guys doing up here?" He asked slowly.

Ducky pursed his lips, trying to decide what the best answer would be. "We haven't seen you in almost a week, we decided to come visit."

"How did you know I was here?" Tony asked.

Abby bit her lip. "The food truck is parked outside my lab. I saw you and Ziva, and then when McGee called to tell her we found your second attacker…" Abby trailed off.

"You found him?" Tony asked.

Abby nodded. "Yeah… his name is Max Clemens."

"Is he a sailor?" Tony asked.

Ducky shook his head no. "Quite the opposite actually." He told him. "No military background, in his life or his family, never been on a vacation, he's never been issued a passport… he's never left the United States."

Tony nodded silently.

"They're gonna get him Tony." Abby told him softly.

"Hopefully."

XXXXX

Ziva gripped the steering wheel tightly as she raced down a dirt road not too far from the Navy Yard. She watched as the arrow on her GPS got closer and closer to the coordinates McGee had given her.

She hit the brakes when she saw an abandoned-looking mobile home about a hundred yards away. She pushed the gearshift into park and got out of the car.

Trying to move as quietly as she could, so she didn't let Clemens know she was there, Ziva took off toward the house.

She hid herself behind a large tree as she surveyed the area. She saw a red pick-up truck behind the dull grey house, which probably meant there was a back door. She counted four windows from which Clemens had the possibility of spotting her through before she got close enough to hide again.

She pulled her gun out of its holster and checked to make sure Clemens wasn't looking outside before she took off again, aiming for another tree to conceal herself for a moment.

She made it without incident and repeated the process once, twice, three more times before she could partially see into the house.

Clemens definitely wasn't looking out the windows for her, he was completely oblivious, sitting watching television.

Ziva was surprised that this place even had electricity, never mind cable.

She jogged over to the trailer, ducking down under the windows as she moved toward the steps leading to the front door.

Her muscles tightened as her Mossad training began to kick in. She was tense enough to make her walk quietly, but loose enough to move quickly. She crept her way up the stairs and reached out to open the front door.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Another shorter chapter, I don't know why I just can't make chapters flow out easily right now. But there also isn't too much you can do with a thirty second fight sequence so… anyway, I hope you enjoy what is here!**_

 _ **Seventeen**_

Ziva took a deep breath before she turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. She made sure to keep her muscles tightened as she walked, making herself quieter. She stepped into the house and raised her gun as she walked toward the living room slowly.

Clemens turned around and sprung to his feet.

"Who the hell are you?!" He asked.

"NCIS. Put your hands on your head and get down on your knees." Ziva growled through clenched teeth.

Clemens looked sideways before he turned and bolted. Ziva heard the back-door slam behind him. She lowered her weapon and ran after him, determined to not let him get too far.

Ziva pushed through the back door and jumped the three steps to the ground and took off through the woods after Clemens.

She became aware of her surroundings quickly. She felt the ground against her feet as she sprinted through the woods and looked down just in time to avoid tripping over a tree root. She looked back up to find Clemens, but she didn't see him anywhere.

She stopped running and raised her gun. She forced herself to catch her breath as she moved through the woods quietly, surveying her surroundings. She couldn't see him in front of her. She turned right – nothing. She turned left – more nothing. She turned back the way she came – still nothing.

She heard leaves rustling on the ground behind her and she spun on her heel. Before she could see what was in front of her Clemens grabbed one of her hands and pushed her gun out of the other. The weapon fell to the ground and he kicked it away.

XXXXX

Gibbs slammed on the breaks outside of the grey mobile home. He and McGee jumped out of the car and ran toward the house, guns raised.

McGee stepped into the kitchen and Gibbs turned down the hallway to check the bedroom.

"It's clear McGee!" Gibbs called.

"Boss I think they went out the back!" McGee yelled back at him.

Gibbs came around the corner and looked at the broken back door.

"Which one do you think did that?" McGee asked.

"I'll give you one guess. Let's go." Gibbs said, ushering McGee out the door.

They ran about a hundred yards before McGee stopped. "You hear that?" He asked.

Gibbs nodded. "That way." He said, pointing toward the noise that could only be people fighting.

They took off running toward the sounds.

XXXXX

Ziva hit the hand that was gripping hers with her knuckles. She grabbed his hand and pulled it off of her arm.

Clemens twisted out of her grip and stood up straight. She watched him as he looked over her body quickly, looking for a place to hit. He threw a hook punch at her head and Ziva stepped in on him, driving her hands up, digging her knuckles into his bicep.

She grabbed the hand he punched with and pulled it down as she back-fisted his cheek.

He pulled her closer and kneed her in the stomach.

Ziva hit the ground hard, gasping for air. She scanned the ground for her gun quickly. She couldn't reach it. She forced herself to take a deep breath and stood up.

Clemens threw a punch and Ziva knocked his hand away. She stepped into him and punched his throat. He gasped and Ziva grabbed his shirt and pushed him into a tree before she kneed him in the groin and he fell to the ground.

She grabbed her gun off the ground before Clemens had the chance to catch his breath.

"Do not move. I have no problem shooting you." Ziva told him firmly.

She looked up when she heard footsteps and saw Gibbs and McGee running toward her.

"Can I borrow your handcuffs, McGee?" Ziva asked.

McGee chuckled and tossed her the handcuffs. "Shouldn't have run." He told Clemens.

Ziva holstered her weapon and bent down beside Clemens. She pulled his arms behind his back and made sure to kneel on him, in the same spot that he knelt on Tony.

Clemens struggled a bit and Ziva held him face down firmly. "You cannot take your own medicine?" She asked, digging her knee into his back once more.

She pulled him to his feet roughly.

"Max Clemens, you are under arrest for the rape of Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. You have the right for an attorney to be present while you are being questioned, and if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you at your request by the state." Ziva told him. "Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?" She asked.

Clemens nodded. "I got it."

"With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to an attorney?" She asked, tightening her grip on his arm.

"No."

"Move." Ziva said shortly.

She pushed him to start walking, never loosening her grip on him.

McGee holstered his weapon and looked up at Gibbs, who shrugged.

"I told you so." Gibbs said as he turned to follow Ziva back to the cars.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Eighteen**_

As soon as Clemens was out of the car back at NCIS, Ziva's grip on his arm resumed. She slammed the car door shut and pushed Clemens forward. Gibbs and McGee stepped out of the car and followed behind her closely.

Ziva moved Clemens out of the way, allowing Gibbs to pull the door open for her. She nodded to Gibbs as she pushed Clemens through the door and across the lobby to the elevator.

McGee hit the call button for her and the elevator doors slid open. The four of them stepped into the elevator and waited for the elevator to stop.

The doors slid open, revealing the pumpkin orange walls of the eighth floor and McGee and Gibbs stepped out of the elevator, followed by Ziva, pushing Clemens.

The rounded the corner and walked down the strip of carpet in front of the windows overlooking the Navy Yard.

Ziva looked around the squad room and stopped, almost shocked to see Tony at his desk with Abby and Ducky, instead of downstairs in Abby's lab where there were less people.

Gibbs turned around to look at her and reached out to grip Clemens' arm just as tightly as she had. Ziva let Gibbs and McGee take Clemens, and she went to Tony.

Tony's eyes were wide as she walked up to him. She kicked herself mentally. If she had known Tony was going to be in the squad room, she would not have paraded Clemens past his desk. She walked around Tony's desk and perched herself on the corner of it. She reached out to take Tony's hand gently, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

Ducky and Abby watched as Gibbs and McGee took Clemens away.

"Did you inflict the damage to his face?" Ducky asked.

"Of course she did." Abby stated, looking up at Ziva.

Ziva sighed. "We fought, my fist connected with his face." She told them.

She felt Tony squeezing her hand and she looked back down at him. He was looking up at her, his eyes still wide. Ziva brought her free hand up to rest against his cheek softly.

"Everything is okay. We got him. He is going to prison for a very long time." She told Tony before she kissed his forehead lightly.

Tony nodded silently.

"Do you want to go home? Back to my apartment?" Ziva asked.

"I don't want to be here with him." Tony told her, his voice cracking.

Ziva nodded. "Okay. Let's go then." She said as she stood up.

She took Tony's jacket off the back of his chair and held it so he could slip his arms in.

"Can I hug you?" Abby asked quietly.

Tony looked up at her and tried to smile. "Always." He said, holding out his arms.

Abby smiled softly and walked into Tony's embrace. She needed to know that he was really okay, or at least on the road to being okay.

Abby released him a few moments later and Ducky reached out to pat Tony's shoulder gently.

"Get some rest Anthony." Ducky told him.

Tony smiled at him. "I'll see you guys later."

Ducky waved as he walked toward the stairs.

"Tell Gibbs I'll e-mail him my report about Clemens' arrest." Ziva requested.

Abby nodded. "I will." She said before she headed off, directed toward interrogation.

Ziva looked up at Tony's face as she reached for his hand, tangling their fingers together before leading him to the elevator silently.

XXXXX

"We can talk about it if you like." Ziva said as she sat down on the couch, facing Tony.

Tony shrugged. "What's there to talk about?"

"I am sorry you had to see him. I was not even thinking about you being upstairs. I assumed you would have gone down to Abby's lab where there were less people." Ziva said, reaching out to rub his back.

Tony nodded, staring silently at the wall.

They sat together in quiet for a few minutes before Tony spoke.

"I hate him." He said quietly.

Ziva looked up at him. "Clemens?" She asked.

Tony nodded.

"That is completely understandable Tony." She said softly.

"I hate that… it feels like he ripped a piece of me off, and I don't know how to get that piece back, but I don't even know what it was to begin with." Tony said.

Ziva shifted closer to him. "He stole your sense of safety, and trust, and he did something that was unforgivable." She told him quietly.

Tony turned to look at her. "Can I ask you something?"

Ziva nodded. "Of course."

"How do you get it back?" Tony asked.

Ziva sighed. "I really… I am not sure… I will tell you if I ever figure it out though." She told him sadly. "I wish I knew. I think it comes with time, although there are some moments when I do not feel safe."

"What helps?" Tony asked.

Ziva thought for a moment. "You, thinking about you, I mean. You have always protected me. Even when I did not want you to."

Tony nodded. "Because I love you."

Ziva smiled a bit and kissed his cheek gently. "I love you too."

Tony laid down on the edge of the couch and pulled Ziva down to lay with him. She laid down on her side, resting her back against the back of the couch and she pulled Tony close to her.

Tony's eyes closed, and he relaxed, feeling Ziva's warmth against his body, and he let himself drift off to sleep.

XXXXX

Ziva hadn't heard from Gibbs since she and Tony had left NCIS, almost ten hours ago. She checked her phone for the hundredth time as she was brushing her teeth, groaning in frustration when the same blank screen appeared.

She rinsed her mouth and walked into the bedroom to see Tony already covered up.

"Clothes?" She asked.

Tony shook his head. "Constricting."

Ziva nodded knowingly. Tony had developed a fear of being tied down or held down, which was perfectly normal after what he had been through.

"Do you want me to change into clothes?" Ziva asked.

She had found that he slept through the night better if he could feel her skin beside him. He still woke up two or three times, but the warmth and the contact settled him a bit faster now.

Tony shook his head no.

Ziva nodded and crossed her arms over her body, grabbing the hem of her shirt to peel it over her head.

"Oh my God Zi what happened?" Tony asked as she raised the shirt off her stomach.

Ziva dropped the shirt in the dirty clothes hamper and looked up at Tony.

"What?" She asked.

Tony pointed to her torso.

She looked down at herself, shocked to see that she had a dark purple bruise in the middle of her stomach from Clemens' knee, and more bruises down her left side from hitting the ground. There were also a few bruises on her arms from shielding herself from his fists.

"I did not even realize they were there." She told Tony.

Tony sat up. "Come here." He said softly.

Ziva took her pants and underwear off quickly, less surprised that there were a few bruises on her hip and leg and tossed the pants into the hamper as well.

She walked over to Tony's side of the bed and stood in front of him.

"Did he do this? What am I saying of course he did this… Zi I'm so sorry." Tony said, running his hand along her side. "Does it hurt?" He asked.

Ziva shrugged. "I have had worse."

Tony looked up at her. "That's not an answer." He said softly.

Ziva leaned down to kiss his forehead softly. "I did not even realize they were there until now." She told him honestly. "But yes, I suppose they do hurt."

"Sit." Tony told her.

Ziva sat down beside him and Tony tossed the covers off of himself and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Ziva asked.

"Don't worry." Tony said softly.

He walked out of the room, leaving Ziva to sit alone for a moment before he came back, holding up the bottle of aloe gel and a towel from the bathroom.

"Lay back." Tony told her, motioning toward the pillows.

Ziva smiled a little and did as he asked, laying down on her side of the bed with her head on the pillow.

Tony sat down beside her and turned all the way around to face her, letting her bruised leg rest on top of one of his own. He flipped the lid open on the aloe and squeezed the gel into his hand. He put the bottle down on the nightstand and rubbed the gel between his palms for a moment before resting one hand on the bruise in the middle of Ziva's abdomen. She flinched and yelped, and Tony drew his hand back as if he'd been burned.

"What happened?!" He asked, panicked. "Did I hurt you?"

Ziva shook her head and Tony was shocked to see her start laughing.

"What the hell?" Tony asked.

Ziva rested her hand on his leg. "You did not hurt me; the gel was cold." She told him.

Tony let out a sigh of relief. "I thought I hurt you." He said softly.

Ziva reached up to cup his cheek softly. "I am okay. Just warm it up a bit more this time?" She said.

Tony nodded and rubbed his hands together before settling his hand back on Ziva's body, even softer than he had before.

Ziva smiled slightly and her eyes closed when she felt Tony's hands on her. She loved that she could relax around him, and he loved that she trusted him enough to see her like this – completely vulnerable and open, two things Ziva wasn't a fan of being.

Tony worked the aloe into the bruise on her stomach before running his hand up and down her left side, and then the smaller bruised patches on her arms and legs. As he looked over her body, he couldn't quite determine the emotion that he felt when he realized how hard she must have fought Clemens to end up with wounds like this. Bruises were unavoidable in a fight, but this many… he knew he would have fought just as hard for Ziva as she had done for him.

Tony wiped the extra aloe off on the towel and laid down beside Ziva.

She opened her eyes and turned her head over to look at him.

"Thank you." She said softly.

Tony smiled and propped himself up on his elbow to look down at her. She smiled up at him, and he leaned down to kiss her softly.

"Thank you for protecting me." Tony said as he pulled away.

Ziva reached her hand up, running her fingers through his hair gently. "I told you I would, and I always will."

Tony nodded. "I know."

Ziva smiled softly and pulled the covers back for them to slide underneath. "Come sleep." She said.

Tony climbed under the covers with her and they migrated toward the center of the bed, toward each other. Ziva wrapped an arm around Tony as he rested his head on her chest like she had become accustomed to him doing.

"Goodnight." Tony said quietly.

"Goodnight Tony. I love you." Ziva said, running her hand over his back gently.

"I love you too."


	19. Chapter 19

_**So I think I've got one more chapter after this one and then it will be set up for a sequel… I'm fairly certain that's how it's gonna work out, but it also might not… anyway, here is chapter 19! Enjoy!**_

 _ **Nineteen**_

Tony and Ziva were sitting on the couch in her apartment when the phone rang two days later.

She picked it up and answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" She asked.

"How's everything going Ziver?" Gibbs asked.

Ziva smiled a bit. "Everything is good, how are things going there?" She asked.

Gibbs sighed. "The District Attorney formally charged Marshall and Clemens, arraignment is scheduled for later today if you and Tony wanted to be there." He told her.

"What time and where?" Ziva asked.

Tony, who sat up when the phone rang watched Ziva as her phone conversation played out. He thought about being worried when she asked for a time and an address, thinking she was going to leave him alone, which was something he still wasn't great at dealing with. It took him a moment to realize that she wouldn't do that though.

Ziva hung up the phone and put it back on the coffee table.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked cautiously.

"That was Gibbs." She told him. "The DA charged Marshall and Clemens, and he wanted to know if we were interested in going to the arraignment."

Tony shook his head. "I don't want to. I don't want to see them." He told her.

Ziva sat forward reaching out to run her hands over Tony's arms.

"That is perfectly fine Tony. We do not have to go." She told him softly.

Tony looked unsurely at her. She slid closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. She kissed his cheek softly.

"Do not worry. Gibbs does not expect us to go, it was just a question." Ziva said.

Tony nodded and let himself rest against her.

"What if they plead not guilty? What if this goes to trial? I don't want to see them, I don't want to listen to them speak… What do I do?" Tony asked quickly.

Ziva heard the panic so clearly in his voice it made her angry that she hadn't hit Clemens harder when she had the chance. She rubbed his back softly.

"If that happens, we have to see where everything is headed. For now, just breathe with me." Ziva told him.

She took a deep breath in and held it for a moment before exhaling. She repeated this several times, waiting for Tony to catch on and breath with her to calm himself down.

When Tony finally relaxed against her, Ziva was relieved. She hated seeing him in so much pain, she felt it with him.

She laid back against the arm of the couch to get comfortable and laughed lightly to herself when she realized that Tony had fallen asleep in her arms once again. She had decided a long time ago, well about a week ago that she loved that Tony trusted her enough to protect him, even in his sleep, and she would never do anything to betray that trust.

XXXXX

Ziva picked up her phone an hour later to send a text to McGee.

' _Tell Gibbs we are not going to go to the arraignment._ ' She hit send.

A moment later her phone buzzed.

' _Will do, how's Tony?'_ McGee asked.

' _He will be better with time. How was the interrogation with Clemens?'_

She had meant to ask him the day that she had arrested him and brought him in, but Tony had kept her preoccupied – not that that was anywhere close to a bad thing, she loved having him there, it had just slipped her mind.

' _He wanted to have you charged for assault, you fractured his cheekbone and two ribs.'_ McGee told her.

Ziva nodded, fairly impressed with herself and the damage she could inflict, despite having not had to fight for a while.

' _Good. He deserved it. What did he say? Did he confess? What about Marshall?'_ She asked, typing as quickly as she could with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Tony.

' _They didn't confess but there's no doubt that they did it. DNA doesn't lie, and we had Abby run both of their DNA three times to make sure.'_ McGee sent back.

Ziva let out a sigh of relief when she read that. _'That is good.'_

' _Yeah, I have to go, leaving with Gibbs for arraignment.'_ McGee said.

' _Text me as soon as it is over.'_ Ziva told him.

' _Will do.'_

XXXXX

By the time Tony had woken up from his nap against Ziva, two hours had passed, and he was now standing up, pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table, waiting for Ziva's phone to buzz.

"What if they plead not guilty?" He asked for the second time that day.

Ziva stood up, reaching out to him. "Then we go to trial." She said as she rested her hands on his hips.

Tony bit his lip and his eyes filled with tears at the thought.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "I know Tony, I know." She told him. "Why don't we go lay down in the bedroom and I can rub your back? Is your neck still bothering you?" She asked, referring to the bruise left by Clemens and Marshall.

Tony eyed her cellphone.

"I will bring it with me, do not worry." Ziva told him softly.

She picked the phone up and stepped around Tony, holding out her hand to him.

"Come." She requested.

Tony hesitated briefly but took her hand and let her lead him down the hallway to the bedroom.

Tony took off his shirt and his pants and laid down on the bed on his stomach so Ziva could get at the fading bruises on his back. They definitely looked but better, now a slight yellow color on his pale skin, but they still hurt. Tony wondered if it was because they had been applied to his skin so roughly that it was real pain, or if it was something in his head, preventing him from feeling normal.

Ziva sat down beside him with the normal aloe and towel and opened the bottle. She squeezed the gel into her hand silently and rubbed it between her palms, warming it up before she placed her hands on his back.

Tony still jumped when she touched him, but this reaction was also one that was fading slowly, and he relaxed much more quickly than he did the first few times she had done this for him.

They sat together in silence while Ziva brushed her fingers over his back, paying special attention to the bruise on the back of his neck. She reached the bruise in the middle of his back, the one that she now had a match for on her own stomach and pressed a gentle kiss to his spine before she rubbed the aloe over it.

Tony smiled when he felt her kiss him. Of course, he had always known that she had a tender side, but he had not expected such a deep level of love and tenderness from someone as fierce as the Israeli. He found this side of her to be just as comforting as he would feel with her sitting in front of the door, holding a gun in case someone tried to hurt him.

"Hips?" Tony heard her ask softly.

He nodded and lifted his hips off the bed slightly, so she could reach under the waistband of his loose boxers to spread the aloe along his hips.

She pulled her hand away from him just as she heard her phone buzzing beside her. She wiped the aloe off of her hands quickly and picked it up. It was a text from McGee.

' _Took a turn for the worst, both Marshall and Clemens pleaded not guilty, they're going to go to trial, but on the plus side, they have been remanded without bail until the trial.'_

Ziva looked up from her phone's screen to see Tony staring at her. He knew from the look on her face what had happened. His worst nightmare was going to come true.

Tears filled his eyes quickly and spilled over, flooding down his cheeks as he sobbed loudly into the bedspread.

If it were possible to feel your heart break, Ziva knew hers would have been in a million pieces as she watched Tony turn away from her and start to cry. She tossed her phone to the side and, hoping that Tony would calm down when he felt her against him, she peeled off her clothes quickly.

She laid down beside Tony, with her head on the pillows and she rolled him over gently, so he was on his side facing her. She pulled him close and he moved down to rest his head just below her breasts as he cried. She wrapped one arm around him and pulled him close to her and he curled up as far as he could.

Ziva felt her own tears on her cheeks as she held Tony against her tightly with one hand and ran her other through his hair. She let Tony cry. That was all she could really do. She could be there for him and be steady for him. That was what he needed most, and she promised herself that she would be that for him.

Tony's entire body was shaking as sobs raked over him painfully and he clung to Ziva tightly. He tried to open his mouth to speak, or scream, he really didn't know which, but nothing would come out other than desperate cries for his pain to end.

Ziva laid with Tony for a solid two or three hours before he was completely silent, having cried as much as he could. She rubbed his back gently, hoping to provide some sort – any sort of comfort to him. She scooted herself down the bed, so she was eye level with him.

His eyes were swollen and puffy from crying, and the tears that had fallen now could only be described as a literal puddle under his head. She rested her hand on his cheek softly as she looked him in the eye.

"I am not going anywhere Tony. I know it is not much, but I promise you I will be here for you, for as long as you want me, even after all of this is over. I'm here for you." She told him softly.

Tony nodded. "I know. I can't do this without you." He said, his voice hoarse from all the crying.

Ziva kissed his forehead softly, unsurprised when she felt how warm he was.

"Let me get you a cold cloth for your head." She said.

Tony nodded, not even bothering to pretend to be brave anymore. "Please."

Ziva walked into the bathroom quickly and he heard the tap turn on and off, and he heard her wringing out a cloth before she reappeared in the bedroom door.

"Come on Tony," she said gently, "roll over love." She told him.

Tony did as he was asked and Ziva placed a cool washcloth on his head. She laid back down with him, her hand running over his chest lightly, just to let him know she was still there.

"We will get through this." She assured him.

Tony sighed. "I'm scared Ziva."

Ziva nodded. "It is okay to be scared." She told him softly. "I am scared too."

Tony opened one eye to look at her.

"Scared of what?" He asked.

"That I won't be able to protect you." She said. "I mean realistically I know I will not be able to fully protect you. If you are asked to testify I have no choice but to let you, but if it does happen, I promise to be right outside the door, waiting for you when you come out." She told him.

Tony nodded. "I know you will."


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, so this isn't the final chapter, I have one more after this that I want to write, and I have a very specific reason for doing so, which I will explain when that chapter is posted – so here is chapter 20, because I felt that this conversation needed to happen between them… enjoy!**

 _ **Twenty**_

"Do you think therapy would help me get through the trial? Or should I wait until after?" Tony asked suddenly as they were making dinner the next day.

Ziva put the potato peeler down in the dish tray on the counter and turned to face him. She stepped toward him, resting her hands on his waist.

"Why would you wait?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know… would it… it's gonna sound stupid." Tony said.

Ziva watched him carefully, her thumbs rubbing soft circles above his hips. "It won't Tony." She assured him.

Tony looked away from her. "What if it, I don't even know."

Ziva wrapped her arms around Tony. "Can I be honest?" She asked.

Tony accepted her embrace, and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. "Yeah."

"I think that the most important thing is that you are comfortable. Because if you go to therapy and you aren't ready for it, if you push yourself too fast, it will not help." She told him.

Tony nodded. "How do you know when you're ready though?" He asked.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly as she pulled out of the hug. "You just do." She said simply. She didn't know how to explain it.

Tony sighed. "I just want to be okay again." He said, his voice breaking.

Ziva's hand lifted to cup his cheek gently. "You will be okay Tony. Just… let yourself not be okay first. Let yourself be scared, and have nightmares, because they're going to happen. It is normal." She said.

Tony nodded. "Can I ask you a dumb question?"

Ziva smiled softly. "There is no such thing as a dumb question Tony. You can ask me anything."

"Do the nightmares get better… well maybe better isn't the right word, you know what I mean." Tony said.

Ziva ran her hands up and down his sides gently. She could tell he was getting frustrated with himself.

"Mine got worse." Ziva told him.

Tony sighed. She looked up at him and saw the tears forming in his eyes. She reached over and turned off the stove, which had a pot of near boiling water on it for the potatoes. She stepped back from Tony, taking his hand.

"Come sit." She said softly.

Tony followed her into the living room and sat down on the couch, facing her.

"After we got home, I forced myself not to think about Somalia. Any of it. I completely shut out that part of my life and I was fine." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "What changed?" He asked.

"Things started to leak through, and then the Burrows case…" She trailed off, looking down at their joined hands. "You know that that was when I found a therapist, and everything just kind of… burst out."

Tony squeezed her hands. "Tell me?" He said softly.

"When I started talking about it… I told her about being taken. Two of Saleem's men ambushed me from behind, I do not know what happened after that. I remember being hit from behind, and I passed out." She told him. She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm so she could talk to him.

"When I woke up, I was handcuffed and sitting on the ground. My legs were tied together. Saleem came in and… I did not even have time to say anything before he started beating me. I must have lost consciousness again, and the next time I woke up I was tied to a chair, and Saleem was demanding information." Ziva said quietly.

Tony nodded silently, giving her the chance to continue.

Ziva reached up to her own chest, picking up the Star of David that laid there. "When Staff Sergeant Cryer and I were on the ship, he told me that I should take it off." She told him.

Tony laughed lightly. "I'm assuming that didn't go well for him."

Ziva nodded. "I told him I would rather die than take it off."

Tony smiled. "It's important to you."

Ziva looked up at him. "It is a large part of who I am." She told him.

"You weren't wearing it when McGee and I found you." Tony remembered.

Ziva nodded. "Saleem took it."

Tony reached up to get a closer look at the charm around her neck. "Where did you get this one?" He asked.

Ziva smiled. "Gibbs." She told him.

Tony looked up at her. "Really?" He asked. He had always figured that she had picked it out herself – because it was important to her.

Ziva nodded, smiling at the memory. "It was after everyone left one day, I finished the report I was writing, and I handed it to him, and he handed me a box. I opened it and I… burst into tears does not sound right, but there were definitely tears. He got up, and he put it on me, and I did break down. He held me while I cried, and I think that was when he realized what had happened to me… he was kind, and he treated me like a daughter. Like I wished my father would have."

Tony kissed her forehead softly. "He didn't deserve you. He put you in harm's way…" He trailed off.

Ziva nodded. "He betrayed me. Many times, even before this, and I was too stupid to see it." She said sadly.

Tony shook his head. "No, you weren't. You wanted a relationship with him, that's what everyone wants Ziva. That's not stupid." He said as he pulled her close to him.

Ziva shook her head. "We have gotten off track. My point is, after I started talking about it with Lillian, I started reliving it."

"When did it get better?" Tony asked.

Ziva thought for a moment. "I am not sure honestly. Everything just got easier over time, and I still have nightmares, obviously, you have seen them, but they do not happen as often. But that does not mean that the same thing will happen to you."

Tony sat quietly for a moment. "What happens if it does?" He asked.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "I will be there to help you, and comfort you." She assured him.

Tony sat silently, for much too long as far as Ziva was concerned. She leaned back against the arm of the couch, like she had gotten so used to doing and pulled him with her.

Tony settled between her legs, resting his head on her chest while her hand ran through his hair. He smiled a bit, he loved that Ziva could keep him calm, and allow him time to just get his thoughts in order. He loved her for little things like that.

They laid together quietly until Tony's stomach began to growl. He looked up at Ziva, who was smiling down at him brightly.

"Food?" Ziva asked.

Tony laughed lightly, nodding. "Yes please." He said, sitting up.

Ziva stood up and reached her hands out to him. He took her hands and pulled himself up. He wrapped an arm around Ziva's waist, pulling her close and the other hand came to rest under her ear as he kissed her. Ziva's hands found their way around Tony's neck as they kissed.

She pulled away from him, only when air became necessary. "What was that for?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I felt like it."

Ziva smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Come on my little hairy butt." She said as she took his hand to lead him into the kitchen. "Dinner awaits."


	21. Chapter 21

_We have come to the final chapter in this story, and before I go any further into this note, I feel like I should state the fact that this chapter is like_ _ **99% M-RATED.**_

 _Okay, so I originally had a way different ending for this story, and I ultimately decided against it because no matter what you take away from reading this, I wrote it with the idea of growth, and getting through something really shitty in mind. And yes, this chapter does seem slightly unconventional, but from personal experience, healing is unconventional, and its messy, and it doesn't make any sense, and that was really what I wanted to portray throughout this entire story (which will be a series), but especially in this chapter. Nothing is black and white, and nothing happens the way that it should, or that people expect it to._

 _Anyway, I think that's enough of my rambling for now. Here is the final chapter of For You, sequel to begin – honestly probably by the end of this week, I already have plans for it… Thank you for coming on this journey with me, it definitely was a long one *glares at two-year hiatus*_

 _Okay, I'm actually done now – go read the chapter._

 _ **Twenty-One**_

 _ **Ziva smiled softly as she rested on her knees over top of Tony. She dropped down, letting her hands rest beside Tony's head as her curly hair fell like a curtain around them.**_

 _ **She leaned in to kiss Tony passionately, pushing her tongue into his mouth. His hands came up to rest on her back, pulling her closer to him. He groaned when he felt his erection brushing against her hot, wet centre.**_

 _ **Ziva smiled into the kiss when she heard Tony's groan and she pushed her hips down harder against him, playing with her own clit, before pulling away completely. Tony's fingers dug into her hips, attempting to pull her back down.**_

" _ **Patience, Tony… we will get there." Ziva whispered in his ear.**_

 _ **Tony's breathing quickened as Ziva's tongue danced around the shell of his ear. She took a moment to suck his earlobe between her teeth. Tony gasped, and his hips bucked when she bit down gently.**_

" _ **Ziva please." He whined.**_

 _ **Ziva chuckled lowly and reached between them, running her fingertips along his hardened member teasingly. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips before sitting up once again, giving Tony a complete view of her front.**_

 _ **He rested his hands on her hips, his fingers gripping her tightly as she lifted herself up and sank down onto him, her lean muscles flexing.**_

 _ **Ziva's eyes fluttered shut and her hands rested flat on his chest to steady herself as she felt him inside her. She shuddered when their hips met. She waited a moment, letting her body get accustomed to his size before she began to move. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth as she swirled her hips, loving the feeling of being filled by him. She whimpered when his hips shot up against hers and –**_

Ziva's eyes flew open and she bolted upright in the bed, panting.

Tony felt her jump beside him and he opened his eyes. He sat up when he realized what was happening in front of him.

"Ziva?" He asked softly.

She turned to look at him.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Ziva nodded silently, trying to get her breathing back under control.

"Can I touch you?" Tony asked her.

She shook her head no, but reached out her hand, silently begging him to take it. She was shaking.

Tony grasped her hand firmly in his and ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Everything's alright Zi, it's just us." He told her softly.

He wished he could just pick her up and hold her against him, and try to make her feel safe, but he figured if she had just woken from a nightmare that was the worst thing he could do. So, he took what she offered him – her hand, and tried to bring her back in other ways.

Ziva sat still for… she didn't even know how long, trying to process what she had been dreaming about. Finally, she looked over at Tony with tear tracks running down her cheeks.

Tony brought his free hand up to wipe her tears.

"What happened princess?" He asked softly.

Ziva closed her eyes and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder as a fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks.

Tony took this as his cue to do exactly what he had wanted. He pulled Ziva into his lap and wrapped them both in the blankets. He sat quietly with her, alternating between talking to her, telling her everything was going to be okay, and pressing light kisses to her forehead as he rocked her.

Ziva slowly calmed down and her breathing returned to normal as she rested her full weight against Tony. He noticed that she had almost stopped shaking, but he didn't want to stop holding her.

"Wanna talk about it?" Tony asked her softly.

Ziva shrugged. "Yes and no." She said simply.

"Nightmare?" Tony asked.

Ziva shook her head. "Actually, no." She told him.

Tony looked down at her. "You wake up crying and shaking and it wasn't a nightmare?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "It was a sex dream." She informed him. "A good one."

Tony nodded, although he was still confused. "Okay." He said, giving her the chance to further explain.

"It was really good." She told him. "You were in it."

"Why were you crying?" He asked.

Ziva shrugged. "Not because I was scared. I think it was because I wasn't scared. That was… that was the first dream I've had like that since before Saleem." She said quietly.

Tony nodded, understanding. "You were shocked that it could still feel good." He said.

Ziva nodded. "I hadn't expected it. I have not really even thought about sex since…" She told him.

She raised her eyes to meet his gaze. Tony smiled softly and kissed her forehead.

"Every time I tried to…" She trailed off, feeling slightly embarrassed, and Tony began to rub her back, interested in what she was saying.

"You can say it Zi, it's just me." Tony reminded her.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, like she was trying to anchor herself to him before she floated away into her thoughts.

"When I first started therapy, I was going three or four days a week. Lilian got to know me, very well, and one day she asked me if I was in a relationship or if I had… had sex since I got back." Ziva paused and took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts.

"I told her I wasn't, and I hadn't, but I wasn't really comfortable with trying it, or with my body anymore. I felt disconnected. Like I was floating above myself most of the time." She told Tony.

Tony nodded. "I understand that." He said softly.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "I wish you didn't." She said quietly. "Lilian suggested that I try and… I do not remember how she said it, but her basic idea was to try and almost reclaim my body as my own, she suggested touching myself, and getting to know my body again."

Tony watched her carefully as she told him what she had been going through. He could feel her starting to shake again and he held her against him a bit tighter.

"What happened?" He asked gently.

Ziva shrugged. "I tried it, and every time I tried I just felt… so many things, panic, pain, disgust, fear… I didn't feel like I could ever be myself again. I thought that touching myself or being touched like that would only ever bring me pain." She said.

Tony kissed her forehead softly and wiped tears from her cheeks.

"How long ago was that?" He asked.

"A few months."

"A few months can make a pretty big difference." Tony said simply. "What are you thinking right now?"

Ziva thought for a moment before shaking her head. "I liked it, the dream I mean. It felt…" She trailed off, biting her lip as the dream played through her mind, sending a shiver down her spine. "It felt amazing." She realized.

Tony smiled brightly. He was incredibly, almost unbelievably happy for her.

"I felt like myself." Ziva told him. "I still do now actually, like I could truly be at peace with it someday." She said, looking up at him.

Tony smiled down at her and she threaded her hand through his hair, pulling him down to kiss him softly, with more emotion than she had ever felt with anyone else.

She pulled away a moment later and rested her head back on Tony's shoulder.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"For what?" Tony asked.

Ziva shrugged. "You were in the dream, you have had such a huge impact on my life, ever since I met you, but especially now. You have helped me be me again." She told him.

Tony smiled and hugged her tightly. "Glad I could be of assistance."

Ziva laughed lightly before falling silent once more, perfectly content to just rest with Tony for the time being.

Tony smiled softly, resting his cheek against Ziva's forehead. "Can I ask you something?"

Ziva looked up at him. "Of course."

Tony hesitated for a moment, before speaking quietly. "What happened in your dream?"

Ziva lifted her head off his shoulder slowly, slightly surprised that he would want to hear it. "What do you want to know?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "Whatever you want to tell me." He said, as had become his standard answer. "Everything."

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, or give him the idea that she wanted sex from him now, just because.

Tony nodded. "Yeah. It might be nice to think about it in a positive way for a while."

Ziva thought about it for a moment. "You can tell me to stop." She told him.

Tony nodded. "I know." He assured her.

Ziva smiled softly, leaning forward to kiss his jaw. "Well," she began. "We were both very, very naked, and I was on top of you. I was teasing you, and your grip on my hips as you tried to pull me to you was… delicious."

Tony smiled, watching her as she described the dream, her cheeks flushed, and her breathing quickened. She was enjoying herself.

"Is that it?" Tony asked.

Ziva shook her head no. "I could feel you pressing up against me, and the feeling I had, I had not felt in a very long time. I wanted you. I needed to feel you. And I did…" She trailed off, her body tensing slightly.

"And?" Tony asked.

"And it was amazing." She said, reiterating her statement from earlier.

Tony rubbed her back gently, and she pulled away from him, but didn't move off his lap. He let go of her immediately, holding his hands up.

Ziva shook her head. "No, it's alright." She told him, reaching out to bring his hands back to her body. "I am okay. I'm just not used to… feeling like this anymore. It's odd." She said as she rested back against him.

Tony nodded. "Good odd or bad odd?" He asked.

She looked up at him. "Definitely good." She smiled softly and rested her hand back on his cheek.

Tony smiled and pulled her tighter against him. He leaned down to kiss her softly. Ziva pulled away a moment later and rested her forehead against Tony's, breathing heavily.

"I need a cold shower." Ziva said, laughing lightly.

Tony smiled. "That's good."

Ziva nodded. She rested her head back on his shoulder. "Are you alright?" She asked. She didn't want him to be uncomfortable.

"Don't worry about me." Tony told her softly. "I'll tell you if I'm not."

Ziva nodded. "Alright."

"Can you do something for me?" Tony asked.

"Of course." Ziva said, looking up at him.

"Will you set up an appointment with Lillian for me? For a referral?" Tony asked suddenly.

Ziva looked up at him. "Yes, if that is what you want. If you are sure." She said, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck gently.

Tony nodded. "I want to."

Ziva turned her head to kiss his shoulder softly. "I will call in the morning."

Tony tightened his grip on his partner, trying to pull her as close as he could. Ziva's hand rested on his cheek gently.

"It will be okay Tony. Everything will work out. It might take a while, I will not lie to you, but we will be okay." She told him.

Tony nodded silently. He didn't even know how to begin to prepare himself for what was to come. He was terrified at the prospect of his attackers going to trial and having to tell everyone what they had done to him. He was scared of going back to work, he didn't even know when that could happen. Fast movements made him jump, and loud noises terrified him. He wasn't sure how he would deal with possibly having to fight a suspect, and what if they got on top of him? What would he do then? Nothing?

He heard Ziva talking to him, and felt her thumb moving over his cheek, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He asked, looking down at her.

"I said you will always be welcome with me." She told him. "And I will always be here for you."

Tony smiled at this thought. "I know. And I'll be here for you… even when you don't want me to be."


End file.
